Straightjacket

The nature of insanity.

She’s wandering again.

She’s off the path, in the trees, eyes down,

hair wild.

Wild.

She’s down on her knees, digging, looking under mushrooms,

finding only ants. Only ants.

 

Only an ant could carry such a heavy load.

Only an ant could balance, like a tight-rope walker,

one foot in front of the other,

(in front of the other, in front of the other)

teetering over the brink of ridiculous pants

walking the length of a tiny branch.

 

Yesterday, she pretended she was at the circus,

pacing the yellow lines in the parking lot,

tottering, muttering, holding an umbrella high with one hand

 like a triumphant declaration of intent to defeat rain.

I thought she would fall, knowing she was balancing on sanity.

I thought she would fall, collapse

there in the shade of the willow, I thought . . .

 

I thought she was gone for good this time.

They waver - trees, ant, woman. They waver.

And suddenly I am confused. I imagine.

I picture woman, balancing on tiny branch,

load-bearing ant, carrying umbrella. The rain comes!

I imagine the fall: the woman, the ant, the trees,

each dropping gently, falling eternally,

following the gentle trajectory set in the autumn

when leaves desperately seek ground.

 

The second act begins. She totters violently.

I think she will fall, I know she will fall,

but somehow, umbrella still held in hand, she descends slowly,

beautifully, and I clap wildly. I shout!

They settle softly to land. They land, fall complete. Autumn compete.

 

After dinner, I see her again, I see her tears.

She sits in front of an unfinished puzzle,

ant crossing branch, umbrella in hand

(in hand in hand in hand).

I know that there is a piece missing.

There are always pieces missing.

 

Author's Note

I wrote this under the influence of Nyquil, and I know that parts of it are better than others. Feel free to offer suggestions. Also, thanks to those who have helped me refine it so far.

Reviews

[Spat Queen]

I'm thinking what the piece would be under the title, 'Rediculous Pants'. It almost becomes a focus that lends to the sentiment in relation to ones individual perspective of sanity. What is rediculous to one person is another's "umbrella". The way a variety of things falling becomes something for 'Autumn' to compete with almost transforms the 'ugliness' of insanity into something beautiful, (perhaps). I enjoyed reading this.

[Jason Henry]

this is a really awesome piece of work.
"I thought she would fall, knowing she was balancing on sanity."
wicked line!

[Omar]

Oh my God that's so cool! Have you read Paulo Coelho's "Veronika Decided to Die"? Yeah baby, we are all mad in some way, and it's so refreshing for me to see that many people out there admit it, and it's not just me! We are, indeed, insane, at some point, in some way. We all have wild fantasies and endless imaginations! And it's perfectly OK to put them into good use and to color our lives with them :) haha, we should ALL be wrapped up in straightjackets!
When it comes to this poem, well, I found its flow to be very captivating, the echoing effect really does a great job, since it makes me feel like I'm in my own head, where I can yell and say the silliest things. The changing colors, settings, sizes, shapes, etc. all give the poem a kaleidoscope effect, which truly illustrates the insanity concept you were depicting. Definitely going into my favorites box!

[Emily Rose]

This is excellent! You use the short sentences and the repetition to your advantage, which gave it a really interesting, somewhat broken feel. There were parts of it that seemed to drag a little. I'm not sure which lines YOU felt were the most important so I'm not quite sure which ones you would cut out, but there are sections where the repetition becomes tiresome. Personally I thought that this part of the second to last stanza was unnecessary: "She comes in, she comes empty-handed, for lunch./The ant reaches the relative safety of a mushroom/as we wash our hands, hers dirty,/mine encased in forgotten mittens." That felt slightly tangential to me, but that could be because I'm having trouble discerning what is important and what is not.

The other set of lines that thoroughly confused me were these: "teetering over the brink of ridiculous pants/walking the length of a tiny branch." Huh? The brink of ridiculous pants? What do you mean by this? I'm half-tempted to believe that you're throwing in crazy phrases to spice up the poem and keep the reader wondering what's going on, but that one really puzzled me because it's so out of place. The rest of the poem keeps me disoriented by shifting the focus wildly - ants, woman, trees, and you do such a good job with that type of disorientation that I don't think it's necessary to throw in random phrases for the sake of confusion.

Despite my nitpicking, this was a glorious piece, well-written and original. The stile reminded me of a lot of modern poets, particularly Ferlinghetti (have you ever read his poem "constantly risking absurdity"? It's very similar to this one). Well done! I don't often put poetry on my favorites list, but this work clearly deserves a spot there.

[Chaos]

I enjoyed this. I have someone in my life who is mentally ill. What I liked the most about this poem was tone. I liked the feel from the repitition. I felt the anxiety was true to insanity.

I enjoyed the write.

Chaos~

[Adam Chambers]

OK, Ari. Very very good. Favorite line:
like a triumphant declaration of intent to defeat rain
I see you have entered it or will be in a contest! That's exciting, let me know how you do please...
Just a couple of editorial suggestions which you may use or ignore at your leisure:
1)I think the 3rd stanza might be better if broken (line break) somewhere...
2)Title: how about two separate words (STRAIT JACKET), all in caps?
3) no double spacing!
4) try using Times New Roman font for it and a larger size (slightly), see how you like...
Good luck! I enjoyed it! : )

--Adam

[[untitled]]

I like the way you compared carrying the burden of insanity to the ant carrying its burden. It expresses strength and compassion, and helped me to see insanity in a whole new light. Thank you!

[A.M.P.]

I truly enjoyed this poem. It was very thought-provoking and descriptive. I love the repetition. Great job!

[The Dark Priest]

This style you write is astounding in it's own right. The repetition that occurs makes an impact of it's own. I, myself have used such structure while writing; I feel it adds power to your voice. I really have no suggestions for you, but I hope you win!

[Kitty]

This was a very interesting piece to read. Hope you got far in the contest you wrote this for. Deserves a win for sure!!!!!

Great job!!!!

Josie

[James K. Blaylock]

Wow, this truly rocked! I really love your style...

jkb