Cities of the Dead

Written for the Prompted Picture Contest, about the above ground tombs in New Orleans.

Welcome all, to our Cities of the Dead,

enter through these cast iron gates,

sun bleached tombstones ahead,

loved ones of past do await.

Vaults, filled with riches,

of memories in tow,

no deep ditches,

sea wont allow.

Rusty ironwork, and candle-lined tombs . Shadows lurk, all inhabitants doomed.

Water table, high, soggy graves below . peasants come to die, gather do the crows

Like streets, paved with the bodies of men . death suites, hearing prayers, Amen

Older the bodies,

burial bags piled high,

not quite The Illuminati,

yet, seems evil, in disguise.

Voodoo traditions surrounding,

some of which, you may not know,

watch your step, with graves, abounding,

as you may cross paths, with Marie Laveau.

Author's Note

Please keep in mind that I tried to uphold the meter while keeping the picture in mind as well. Thank you all.

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

Great job- I'm terrible at these shaped poems. :)
I do think that you should watch out for forcing rhymes-there were a couple of phrases where it felt like it had been difficult to find one, and it kind of disrupted the flow. However, I do think that this was well done. Nice job. :)

-Coral-

[Dakota]

Ah The beautiful Cresent City! Je t'aime! No place like it in the world! Your piece did it justice and I found the shape intriguing, I've never seen it before! Bein Fait!

[smalltownsympathies]

I am in AWE. Fantastic poem, incredible structure, absolutely marvelous. I see you are looking for criticism, but of this I have none. Bravo. :)

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

You did a good job. I liked it and the flow in my opinion and the shape of the poem. Thanks for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem and the old city of New Orleans. I went to the city before and after the hurricane. It kept her mystery. I hope she come back to complete life. Few of our cities in the USA had the history and mystery of New Orleans. I like the feel and the story in the poem. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Mike Lamb]

I'd change "all inhabitants doomed" to "all dwellers are doomed." Cuts out a syllable to fix the metre without screwing with the length of the line. The first five lines are solid, but I'd change six or eight. I can't rhyme tow and allow without pronouncing one wrong. Bonus points for referencing The Illuminati.

[Brittany W]

You did a great job in maintaining the shape, overall i think you did a great job with this poem, i enjoyed it.

[justAnumber]

@Kristin Thank you for your constructive criticism. Marie Laveau was a notorious Voodoo Queen: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_Laveau for more info.

Thank you all for your kind words.

[Kristin Brecoe]

First off. The shape is so appealing. =D

This phrase really should be reworked. I hope you don't mind me honesty. But this just doesn't work. I know you are trying to get a rhyme in, but mess with this. you may have to find something else all together. But really rework it. i think it'll keep the poem strong. "gather do the crows"

keep in mind when you have one sour phrase or line it could really hurt the flow and feel of a whole poem and it'll stick out like a sour thumb to the reader. the only lines you want the reader to keep in mind are the powerful lines.

i adore the imagery. you did really well there.

just one question... who's marie laveau?

[Lachenille Papillion]

I thought you did a good job with both.