One Hell of a Party

A party, the man will attend, 

this one's hot, flames ablaze,

while on earth, still pretend,

hide behind your current haze.

Full of drinkers, women, men,

added, faces fill the spaces,

smokers, tokers, peddlers, jokers,

yet he still remains complacent.

For, surrounded by his peers,

all fiends for satisfaction, 

inebriation feigns cheers,

invitation based on actions.

No application, nor therein,

grant access, invitation,

only life filled with sin,

award certain damnation.

All corner-cutters welcome,

any scammer fueled by hate,

that would put one over on consumer,

now consume your fate.

The host greets with crooked smile,

has held you down for quite a while,

times not changed, upon arrival,

welcome to Hell at end of survival.

Author's Note

I had the idea for this poem and I don't feel that I really captured it completely. Constructive criticism needed?

Reviews

[Lachenille Papillion]

I like the concept of the piece and see where you may want to go with it. One of the things that occurred to me when I read it aloud was that the rhyme, while good, sometimes seemed strange. I find that some pieces require me to change the meter of the rhyme with occasional prose in order not to sacrifice the intention of the work for the rhyme of it. You might try writing out what you really want to communicate with the piece and then see if you can find the vocabulary to make the rhyme and meter fall into place behind the intent of your words. Just a technique I use from time to time. Over all, you did good.

[Kristin Brecoe]

1. Think rhythm for stronger poetic value. The first stanza didn't give me a rhythm. Now I know that not all poems have to have a distinct beat to them, but there needs to be a constant flow to it that some kind of rhythm lays underneath it.

"all fiends for satisfaction, " great line. =]

I'm sensing a theme in these poems. I really think you should look them over and find places to submit them to. Something that's for prohibition. or anything to that extent.

[Thecreekdontrise]

Love the ending,
was was very on point and it keep me on my toes
and i like that you made it be a hell
which most certainly to me sounds like it (:
Keep these great poems going!!!
Thanks

[KatiePie]

Personally, I loved the flow of this piece, because of how unique the rhyming scheme was and I have to say, reading through this the imagery is brilliant. Thank you for sharing. :)