Wines and Cries

A story about the effects of alcoholism on a family.

The Joker will laugh, not contemplate,
The Prince falls down from his estate,
The Queen, in search, must compensate,
The King, in turn, now more irate.
The castles crumble as others construct,
The kingdom seems so out of luck,
The men around are all but fucked,
The damage done, the lightnings' struck.

The laughs and cries, they have their time,
The cries are pushed aside by wine,
The laughs take turn, cries not behind,
The cries backed up, they stand in line.
The music plays and they still dance,
The Joker jokes and they still laugh,
The door is closed, now mouths agap,
The party's on, still there's a chance.

The throne is set, up on high,
The tone is def, can't hear the cry,
The fall is far, the climb to try,
The top to reach, all must comply.
The Prince must make a devilish deal,
The soul is black, but oh, the thrills,
The climb, now short, no pain to feel,
The thought alone can make one ill.

The path goes on, bridges to cross,
The risk not taken, then nothing lost,
The view is hazy, all is agloss,
The vacation comes, so low at cost,
The Queen now gambles, not just a bet,
The time shall come, ain't seen it yet,
The wine makes shelter,and to forget,
The consequence will soon be met.

The walls, they falter, when needed most,
The ride gets bumpy, then one should coast,
The backbone fails, but grins, the host,
The highest of men, are but ghosts.
The King shall rise, despite the strikes,
The grounded few, do take the flights,
The broken mend, and the likes,
The brightest times become the nights.

The Joker laughs and carries on,
The cries soon fade and then be gone.
The Prince profits in doing wrong,
The seat remains, and still he longs.
The Queen will drown, but still to fight,
The day has come to see the light.
The King endures, for he owns rights,
The time he rises: when the kingdom dies.

Author's Note

open to criticism, trying to tell more complete stories .. have a tendency to leave questions unanswered .. please ask yours

Reviews

[KatiePie]

"The throne is set, up on high,
The tone is def, can't hear the cry,
The fall is far, the climb to try,
The top to reach, all must comply.
The Prince must make a devilish deal,
The soul is black, but oh, the thrills,
The climb, now short, no pain to feel,
The thought alone can make one ill."
was my favorite section, but my favorite line was:
"The brightest times become the nights."
This entire piece was completely brilliant, the ending couldn't have been more perfect, the flow, the imagery, the repetition, the concept all beautifully portrayed in this. I loved reading it and after the first line I was addicted to your words. Honestly this was a masterpiece, its going into my favorites. Thank you for sharing. :)
-Cathrine

[Kristin Brecoe]

Alright. I'm going to run through and make comments as I go. They will be blunt.

1. I see that you are trying to go for parallelism. When you do that you have to watch your verb tenses as well. Going from future to present threw me off. "The Joker will laugh, not contemplate,
The Prince falls down from his estate,"

2. The power behind this line was wonderful "The cries are pushed aside by wine,"

3. this is just a small error: "The party[the apostrophe goes here]s' on, still there's a chance."

4. Just a typo. "The bri[g]htest times become the nights." But as for the rest of that stanza... It's my favorite part. =]

5. I believe I get what you mean here, but it's not clear because the the word order and choice feels awkward to me. "The time he rises: when the kingdom dies."


6. I like the cycle and the theme.

I like your approach on alcoholism. It made me think more of how drinking too much really affects so many people. That message is really important for people to know. Perhaps maybe censor and tweak it up and find a place to publish it.

It was very enjoyable.

[Lachenille Papillion]

You did a good job with the story. It looks like it was a difficult write giving the rhyming scheme, so well done.

[Brittany W]

I absolutely loved this, it was written so well, the rhyme scheme was amazing, i thought you displayed the pain well, but also the effects of alocholism by using this façade of king and queen, jokers etc , beautifully written, great job.