The Spandex Crew

The Spandex Crew

 

She never thought about the scene

Coming from the back woods of Detroit City

The name of the Gang is the Pink P***y Cat’s

And they knoooooow … how to boogie

 

The leader was Big Fat Mama

She wanted Fat Alberta but it was taken

Fat Mama was five foot two with black eyes

Three Hundred Thirty pound

 

With a forty eight inch waist

And with Double “D’s” 44 inches across

Wearing turn singles on her back sides

And a Double wide sticker on her butt

 

The second in command is Bonie Moronie

Five foot six made of sticks

Sideways on and sticking out her tongue

She looks like a zipper undone

 

Moronie had no breast and no a*s

She kept her pants up with a garter

In the rain she was the game

She was too skinny to get wet in a shower

 

Number three was Linda Lips

She could kiss the paint of a new car

With more colors of lip sticks than the rainbow

She could really make the guys grow

 

She wore a ring in her nose

With a chain attached to a cigarette holder

It came in handy when she lost her clip

And kept her roach from taking a dip

 

Stiletto Sue was next in line

Wearing eight inch nail heeled pumps

With six penny nails to tap her strut

And defend her honor in tight places

 

Bottom lit four inch acrylic pads

With every tap a new neon color

And baby doll knee high socks

Laced in pink strapping up to the ankle

 

And last but not the least comes Voluptuous Veronica

With enough T&A to start the third world war

Short plaid mini skirt and mid drift to match

Not covering very much just her snatch

 

B***s that stands erect alone

No bra for support as gravity gowns

Her hair is long and silver blond

Swaying as she walks to the beat of her bum

 

And there the gang waits with bated breath

For the Post to come bearing presents of glee

Spandex to the rescue one size fits all

Then it’s on and off to the mail

 

The Mailman arrives with a small box to complaints

The Ladies couldn’t believe the containment within

Five elastic leotards a mass to be seen

Women wanting to be fit and to be prim

 

Fat Mama did open the box demure

Out popped five small plastic bags

The ladies did scream

What’s this they yelled excited with pride?

 

Moronie said what color is mine

Fat Mama said take any but yellow for yellow is mine

“V” said she wanted white to go with her plaid

And lips was cherry red to mesh with her cad

 

Leaving Green and Purple to fight over now

Moronie grabbed Green leaving Stiletto the last

Purple goes well thought Stiletto a shine

With neon of all colors is sublime

 

So in they went to stretch the Spandex to extreme

All calm and cool until Fat Mama’s demand

Get the Vaseline and tongue depressors and oil can too

This outfit is going to fit like a shoe

 

Three hours later with the Spandex affixed

The Fantastic Five came out for a walk

Each extreme was met with scream

From passersby that could not stand the strain

 

Fat Mama with a beam of fifty six inches

Barely able to breathe because of her jeans

Gold chains and purple train

And snickers of green lime

 

In a world only she could understand

Leading the four that were anything but blue

Each step brought a grown from the Dex

That alarmed the custom of the mall

 

Bonie Moronie’s fit loose with slack on demand

Lips was hard pressed to maintain a smile

Stiletto had hers on backward low front to her navel

“V” had the right fit to show she was able

 

Everything was going well until Fat Mama had to go

She had drank to much pop and was ready to blow

All five crowded into the ladies room to help

But it was no use, the Spandex wouldn’t slip

 

In tears, Fat Mama plopped down on the toilet

To the sound of the Spandex giving way

A breath she took to her dismay the Spandex ripped all the way

The explosion that came shot the girls every which way

 

Fat Mama sat on the floor toilet now gone

A face of disbelief and relief the same

The girls now wondering what to do

Fat Mama said “We will sue”

 

This ends the story of Fat Mama

And the Spandex Crew

If ever you find yourself in a similar position

Just remember these words “We Can Sue”

 

G.D.Gregory (The Bard)   2007