Alone

Left alone

when moments of pain arrived

with misery to put me down.

But, arrived again

much before it set in.

The ones who vowed

to be together

forever

turned their backs with the change of weather.

Prosperity enriched me

with many of such.

No one to be seen in such times.

- C Kumar

June 20 2015

Reviews

[Perkele.7885]

of pain arrived Arrived with misery (one arrived would have been enough)
line3 But, needs a comma arrived again
to be together together for ever (one together would have been enough) (forever looks better as one word)
I lost the essence of the read because of the grammar overload. But, it appears to be a poem of presence.

[Chirag Kumar]

Thanks Raj for your feedback. Keep guiding me especially on grammar. :)

[Mitali Shah]

Full of pain. Well penned

[andrew mitchell]

An emotional barbed write I feel, nicely done!

[marcus]

And ultimately, we will all find ourselves alone!

[B]

I love your style
You say so much in such few words
And this is a good write

[Chirag Kumar]

Thanks for your review Nisreena :)

[Kousika]

Being alone is hard to digest. I liked the poem yet I think you can optimize, crystalize it so that it look simple and sweet. I am not blaming but its my humble request bro. Like you can change the alignment, can choose different words. Try it.. :)))

[Willard Wells]

I will say what I expect others will say since I hear it all the time. Work on the words. You repeat some words that could be replaced with others. In some cases the piece works with some of the repeat words removed. For example the second line would work the same with out the first word "Arrived". I do like this.

[wordman]

its bad when your friends turn their backs