Mayfly Ballad

A new hope has arisen in the galaxy for the Rebellion. The ultra-draconian Emporer shall not stand for much longer against the Jedi and their light side of the force!

Mayfly Ballad

 

Her aura glistens like a star

Her cheeks have dimpled lure

Such supple, shapely curves there are

The soul is choice and pure

 

With every tooth so perfectly

Aligned and shining bright

Each kiss a shard of Heaven be

Each word a dance of light

 

My heartache, woes, and strife have passed

Now love and friendship reign

The worst day that we shared surpassed

The unrelenting pain

 

Reviews

[J. Hampton]

ooooo...she is so Pretty.

This is beautiful in tone...content ...I respect a ballad ( i cant make them work)
and the font is perfect...
I must admit the description threw me oh so way off ?

I am touched by this line...

"The worst day that we shared surpassed
The unrelenting pain"

Gabe she will basically ...swoon ( do we still do that ? )

Blessssssssss

[Karen666]

you have a new girlfriend. aww thats nice. is that her pic?

[Forest Green]

Man, this was great. Such a throwback to the bygone time of poetry.

Very good job Gabe. I really, truly enjoyed it!

Forest

[Blade & Blood (The ..]

Everyone who reviewed so far are absolutely right. These are very beautiful words! The final stanza pretty much proves to me that when I get my first "love", "boyfriend", or whatever we should call him, my view on love will change... maybe that's why I savor the hate in my heart for society. lol

Anywho, the rhymes were more than perfect and the entire was nicely descriptive as it's littered with beautiful imagery and other figurative language. So, structurally, it was great!!! Excellent job!

Ironically Yours. -Blade and Blood

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

absolutly wonderful words. It has great rhyme and flow. I read you review below and I am glad everything is going well for you in this relationship.

[Amor-de-angel]

Beautiful words as is the beauty in the picture. Well done Gabe with this one. Hope she is everything you need and it is all sweetness and light for you both

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Stunning write. Succinct, supple and delightful. Glad to here you made it through...
Light,
Siddartha

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Legion:

You have a good point. My point was that our worst day together surpassed the unrelenting pain of my last relationship.

This is a relationship with everything going right, and the last one was a relationship with everything going wrong. When you have something like 220 breakups in a relatively short period, you are always going through a breakup. Breakups are miserable!

But, you are right. That was not clear. It could have been the "unrelenting pain" of being alone. And, the pain did not end until the relationship ended.

-Gabe

[Marie]

That was beautiful. The descriptions were amazing.

[Legion]

Very descriptive and wonderfully imaginative of one's love. The only thing I didn't get were the last two lines...especially the use of "the unrelenting pain". If it is unrelenting, it would never end. Do you two cause each other that type of pain? Throws it all a bit off for me. Did that make sense?

[mattavelli]

She's a hotty. Does she have a sister? :)
Cool poem.