Look Alive

i swear to god, kid.
sometimes you look at me,
and it feels like
the moment that followed the fading
of Audrey Hepburn's last
breath from the world.

i am not the man i was supposed to be.
i am not anything anymore.

and no one ever tells you
that the lies we teach to children
are all that sustain them in the end.
the only truth that ever was
burned
before any grownups could know it.

there is no recourse, baby.
it's all ice and riptide.

now
look at me.

Reviews

[Ariel B.]

This is incredible! It's like so many of the best things about so many of the best songs. I could never have described that feeling so well as "the moment that followed the fading/of Audrey Hepburn's last/breath from the world" - such a perfect summation of the impact of a hole. And I love that her name is the only thing capitalized in the entire poem.

[theunionisloud]

Wow. This is fantastic. It seems to be the outline of a story we all know... deja vu, but were there ever any details? If there were, did they ever matter? Do they still? Keep it real... 'real' being whichever reality you choose. It's all yours.

[Joiedevivre]

i'm learning new words here!

there is no recourse, baby.
it's all ice and riptide.

now
look at me.

Genius!!

[Charlie]

Incredible poem.

The first stanza really sets up the emotional impact that the rest of the poem follows through with.

The flow makes the already intense words hit harder at home, and the statements are very relatable, without being generic.

Such a beautiful write.

[roarke]

are you sure you're only 23? ya some kinda reincarnate? I'd pirate some of your stuff, but it's so good, no one would believe I thunk it up.....

yep, really diggin' this stuff.

[Sam]

This poem is wonderful. I really like it. Keep writing. :)

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I'm not sure I understand this one (I am a slow-witted old man) but this feels like a confession of truth and reality to one's child. "Mommy or Daddy is not the all-knowing sage that you thought I was"

You see me now as I am ... not very much. The world is a cold pace and you've just been splashed down into it.

I'm sorry ... I did my best.

That's what I got out of this.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

How advice can be stumping, I feel you've lived a thoughtful and provocative life so far. if not a little covered in a net. Great read and nice imagery.

[M. David]

Fantastic. The last four words are very effective, abruptly bitter; they are my favorite part. The theme is a common one, and helped to drive home the sentiment. You are truly talented, keep up the great work.

[Hayley]

"It's all ice and riptide.

now
look at me."

This is extremely powerful and crafted with such emotion. (Like look at me and see the truth, or are you afraid?) This is kick-butt!