Young Lady

A poem about gender rules and roles and my opinion on them.

Those words escaped her lips
After a burp had escaped mine.
Which sent her into a conservative fit
Scolding gently that my behavior wasn't fine.

I refuse to be stifled
By your living dead ideals.
Our freedoms won't be trifled
By your painful too high heels.

For now we cross our legs
You can watch us speak, our mouths squeaky clean.
But we set out legs proud, our single needs fed
And when you're not here we sing our dirty dreams.

Your gender specific rules
Chivalry, kindness, bravery to one.
All or none, to follow we seem fools
To be so strongly divided by the ideas of some.

To be separated by gender
Arguing behaviour by genitalia.
When we should love one another tender.
Taught these double-standards through glossolalia.
Change is coming, and we shall forever be rendered
Separate or Together.

Author's Note

Still in the VERY rough stages as you can see. I would love word choice and flow suggestion. Grammatical errors and better rhymes along with overall thoughts. Thank you :)

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sorry, i have no suggestions for different wording, because i happen to think this is perfect in its delivery...

i like the "painiful too high heels"

high society is something i have rebelled against since i was a kid...raised in a somewhat upper class situation...i hated cocktail parties, country clubs and all that jazz...the atmosphere repugnant to me.

prim and proper? bullshit...let's just toss away the pretentions and get to know and love one another..

all that seems reflected in this poem...and i happen to love it.

one of my favorites i have read on here in a long time.

[Imara]

Thank you so much for your indepth and serious review. I'm glad you could connect to this piece in such a way! I'm truly honored that you found my poem to be one of your favorites.

[Acucena G.]

its amazing, nicely written.

[Imara]

thank you so much :)

[Onku Ghosh]

I like the word Glossolalia, newly coined?.Lovely write!! Simply loved the first para.We live in such an artificial world, where proper manners seem to rule.YOur defiance seems like a breath fresh air.'"I refuse to be stifled..............Painful too high heels."Very beautifully written. LOok forward to reading more of your poems

[Imara]

I actually had to look that word up to find one that rhymed haha. I wish I had thought of that word on my own, I used a thesaurus haha. Thank you for your kind review, I'm honored that you love it so much :)

[Deuces]

Damn... glossolalia huh? Nice!!! Seriously, I felt this entire poem. You should consider stopping apologizing in advance for your works in the Author's Note. You're a very talented writer that I, for one have found not faults with. This is great as it is... a message against those who cast the first stone. A rebellious voice against the fanatics whom look down on others, but have plenty of skeletons in their closet. Love it.

[Imara]

Haha yes, I had to really search to find that word XD Thank you so much for your kind words, you always honor me with your praise way more than I deserve. Thank you for the review. :)

[Kristin Lee]

I love the subject matter you've chosen for this one. Your opening stanza is awesome. It sets apart not just genders but generations. In your second stanza to help the last line flow better perhaps instead of saying "too high heels" maybe find a specific brand name that makes really high heels... like "your painful Vera Wang High Heels" - if she even makes shoes???? LOL. But you get my drift.

I love your closing line. It packs a lot of truth and a lot of heart. I think once you make some small tweeks this is going to be a rocking poem! The biggest thing that stands out to me is you 3rd stanza. You reference legs twice and it makes the intention behind your thoughts a little hazy. But all the other stanzas are really strong.

Can't wait to see your finished product on this one! Great job.

[Imara]

Haha that's a great suggestion a brand name might fit better! Of course I'll have to google some since I know nothing about heels except that well I don't like them XD
And on the 3rd stanza, I meant to show how crossing our legs is deems very lady like and if we sit with out legs apart, like men often do, we get scolded even though to me its more comfortable that way. I'll try to make that a little clearer

[redflutterby]

Second to last line... did you mean changed or change? Other then that this is perfect. The subject is very timely. Do we subscribe to rules of the past or make our own? Something to really think about... ;-)

[Imara]

Thank you! Ahaha I didn't notice that! I'll make sure to change it! Thank you for your review! :)

[redflutterby]

You're welcome!! ;-)

[De 'Anthony Subban II]

I like your word choices keep writing

[Imara]

Thank you :)

[JulieÉmile]

The last two lines are epic. I wholeheartedly agree with you. Change is coming and we are on a crossroads. Hopefully we shall choose the 'together' path. This poem doesn't have any errors. The only suggestion that I can make is the 3rd line of the second last stanza. Replacing we seem a fool by we seem fools will make it more effective and give better flow to your poem. At least that's my opinion.

But, good job. You have expressed your point nicely. And you're right, we shouldn't be stifled or trifled with (loved that rhyming, by the way). One really shouldn't follow rules blindly especially unnecessary ones that curb our freedom. Nice poem. You've inspired me to write one on gender discrimination too! In fact, I think I should have a poetry contest on this topic. Thanks for sharing this.

[Imara]

Oh thank you for your great review I really do appreciate it! And I'm honored that I can inspire you :) I think it is silly this came from me getting funny looks when I burp (For the record I always say excuse me and try to keep them quiet or don't at all if its inappropriate like at a library or something but I was at lunch!) I love your suggestion and I'm using it. Thanks again for the awesome review :D