Remember the past

This is the main character explaining how things were in the beginning.

These may very well be my last words. Simply put, how did I end up in this shed clinging to my last few bullets and praying day comes without me having to use them. I’m not sure how many people are left alive to even read these pages but I am hopeful one day this will help you understand how we got to this point so that mankind will never have to revisit the pain of the last four years. I've killed. I've lost so many loved ones.

My name is Ray Adams. I am somewhere outside of Tampa, Florida and trying desperately to find my kids who have been taken supposedly to a FEMA camp for survivors somewhere here in Florida. This was three months ago. If I don’t make it I pray whoever finds this once the world is back to normal will find my kids and let them know their dad tried to find them.

I hope against hope that they understand I had to let them go to have a chance at a better way of life. I had no idea that there were no FEMA camps in Florida still operational and to tell the truth I am so scared that I have already lost them. These animals use to be human but I - I just don’t know anymore. It’s like a bad zombie movie out there now. Regular people turning to cannibalism as a means to survive. Eating our own kind, that just makes you less than human to me.

Every bone in my body is holding out hope those are not the kind of people that found us and convinced me they were there to help us. My god I let my kids go and for all I know they could be dead now, all because of me.



I have all but lost my sanity. Have not seen a normal person in nearly three months, and while it would be easy to blame it all on a government that no longer exist, it was us after-all, the everyday people who begged for something to be done. Now we are suffering at the hands of our own demands. There is no such thing as humanity or civility anymore. No, we have lost sight of everything that made us human and it can all be traced back to the simple everyday common cold. Okay maybe it wasn’t quite that simple but damn if we didn’t go and make the virus worse. I remember when this all started so vividly. One of my last good memories.........


















Four years ago- 11-22-2014

I was never the best at planning what needed to be done. That was always my wife Julie’s wheelhouse. She was one of the most level headed people in times of crisis that I have ever known. Even now though, I can hear her voice, see her face and feel her touch. Five foot nine mid length brunette hair and always smelling like strawberries. She was the true backbone of this family but she was no longer with us.
Think it was three weeks after the initial case. The military had already set up daily check-in’s. Every day they would come door to door checking temperatures and collecting swabs. On that day I had seen my wife cough but it was only once so we both assumed things would be fine. We went about our day. Julie made us all some breakfast. That meal would be the last time I saw a smile on my kids faces. A knock on the door would change all our lives forever.
Julie and I sat silent looking at each other. It was like this every day when they would show up. It didn’t take much those days. Everyone was so terrified by the illness that as little as a one degree fever would lead to immediate removal and quarantine. No one had ever come back from quarantine. My neighbors son was only five years old and was ripped from his arms as tears rained from his eyes. Two days later we heard he committed suicide, slitting his wrist. I always shuttered at the thought of how I would react. That day I found out.
A second knock came. “One second” I said loud enough for them to hear me. I remember opening the door and seeing three men in full body chemical suits. Prior to the outbreak this site would of raised alarms but the once insanely rare had now become the insanely common place. To be honest on most occasions the ones in the suits looked as scared as the ones opening the door. It was always the same routine. They would sit us all down in either the living room or kitchen and begin their test.


They always started with the children. Children early on were considered the most susceptible to the virus. News reports said that nearly forty percent of kids in America had died from the virus during those first few weeks. My heart always raced when they were testing my kids. A long cotton swab in the mouth and nose followed by a swipe of a thermometer across the forehead.
My kids were just as apprehensive to the process as Julie and I were. After weeks of dealing with this every day though, they had learned to deal with it as we all had. Still today, it amazes me how they conditioned us to accept those conditions. Everyone just accepted that if a loved one was sick then they were gone. Yes people still missed their loved ones and no one let go easily but no one would truly fight it. It all became sadly normal.
My kids passed their test one by one. Each passed test each day felt like a small miracle in this upside down world. Julie was next in line. As they ran the cotton swab around her mouth my heart sunk. All I could think of was here couch earlier. I guess I sort of knew what was coming. I could feel my muscles tightening with every passing second. All I could do was prey silently that she passed the test. That my whole world would not be torn apart. Not here, not today. Sometime prayers just are not answered.
As the ran the thermometer slowly across her forehead I noticed her fingers giving off the slightest of shakes. She knew what would happen next. I could see it in her eyes. She glanced at me almost apologetic. Ninety nine point eight said one of the testers to the others. Without hesitation they injected her with a needle. Whatever they gave her knocked her out almost instantaneously. Not even two seconds had passed and three more people in suits entered the house. Two of them grabbed her lifeless body and started carrying her away.




I couldn’t even think before I jumped up lunging at the men taking my wife, my kids mother, away from us. My fight was fruitless. I knew that. Still I could not stop instinct. I heard the screaming and crying from my kids echoing in my head. My vision was blurred from my own tears and the anger raging inside. I ripped one of the testers head piece off and punched another before they were able to use their tasers on me. The pain of the electricity was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling for my kids, for Julie. As I feel to the ground before I lost consciousness I was able to see my kids eyes. Each of them were filled with fear. Easily noticeable behind the oceans of tears.
“JULIE” I screamed as I regained consciousness. Slowly I began to realize she was gone. I glanced around the room franticly looking for my kids. Still weak from the jolt I made my way to my feet. I could barely move but my thoughts propelled me to find them. As I made my way from the kitchen to the living room I saw them. My oldest son Nathan was holding his brother Jakob and sister Hannah in his arms. They were still crying as I made my way to them and wrapped my arms around theirs.

Three weeks later.
Pre-virus on a day like it was my kids would have begged me to take them out to the park or really anywhere other than the house. A perfect day. Eighty degrees with light fluffy clouds passing overhead. A slight breeze in the air keeping it from being too hot. These are the days I use to live for. No price can be put on those memories. No amount of suffering can take away the smile I get on my face when I picture my kids grinning back at me.
Sadly those days are long gone. I had not seen a smile on my children's faces in months. Everything had turned upside down and inside out. What hope did I have to offer my kids now? Living paycheck to paycheck no longer looks quite as bad as it use to. Now we live meal to meal, minute to minute. Any day we are together is another day gone well. Every day I can keep my children healthy is in its self a small victory.
We still do not know how it all happened. One day we are living our lives as normal, next day people are dieing from an illness no one could explain. None of us were prepared. How could we be? They told us the vaccine would work. They said it was mandatory. They said everything would be fine. THEY WERE WRONG!
People got sick by the dozens. Dead piled up on street corners. Martial law made us all feel like prisoners. Sitting, waiting and wandering what would happen first. A cure or death. Nothing made sense in those early days. So much confusion and despair. The air was thick with the stench of the dead and the fear of those of us waiting to die.
This is how things continued for the first few months. Friends, neighbors and family; dropping one after another. No one knew how to stop the spread. Stay indoors. Filter your air. Wear mask. Boil your water. Nothing they said even slowed the virus down. Day by day the number of national guard passing out food and supplies dwindled lower and lower.
One week later.
Days passed without any supplies being given out. No one had come to test us for the virus in nearly a week. We had not so much as seen a national guard soldier. Things had gone from bad to completely hopeless. My kids and I had been rationing our supplies since the beginning so overall we were not in too bad of shape food and water wise. Still I knew we could not stay here forever as supplies would eventually run out.
It's a thought I had floated around my head for a while. Leaving and finding a place where we could sustain away from the virus. Like I said before though, I was never the planner in my house. That was Julie's job and she was great at it. I had no real idea what to do next. If we drove north and through Houston there was plenty for open country but how to make that happen?



I decided there was no way we would make it in my car but my neighbor a few houses down had one of those hybrids. The couple gas cans in my garage were full so that seemed like the logical course of action. Only problem is, I would have to search his house for the keys and then disinfect the car and myself before bringing my kids into that situation. I refused to lose anyone else due to this virus.
That night we sat down to dinner. It was nothing special though. Now days dinner consisted of a can of corn, a can of spam and maybe a can of beans. It was dinner though and I still had my kids to eat it with.
I explained to them my plan. I showed them on a map where I had planned for us to go. There was a lake north of Houston and if we where lucky there would be an empty house we could call our own. There was a slight smile on their faces and it brought a smile to mine as well. So the plan was set. My kids gathered up all the supplies we had as well as some clothes and pictures.
“Dad” Nathan said sounded very concerned “We are going to need a lot more food than this arnt we”?
I told him I would see what food I could find while looking for the keys for the car. “Let me come with you to help” He said.
“Nate I need you to stay with your brother and sis and make sure they are OK. Plus the Milliners where taken away a few weeks ago because of the Virus and I cant have you getting sick” As I was explaining this to him I could see he was not in any way caring what I was saying. A bit of a hard head which he got honestly. His mother was the same way.
“ Dad I can help you. Ill wear gloves and a mask. Ill be fine and we can leave sooner.” Nathan said sounding more like a man than a thirteen year old boy.



Honestly I knew I could use his help. It was just the thought of losing him that gave me so much trepidation about the idea of exposing him to that kind of risk. I was still in no way recovering from the loss of their mother. Though I hid it well for their sakes. A father of the edge of losing it was no use to anyone. So I calmly conceded to his help and we got suited up.
Suiting up in this post virus world was always a slow cautious under taking. This virus had mutated several times during the first few weeks. It was mainly airborne though strains had become blood-borne and somehow had began seeping into exposed skin. There were any number of way to contract it.
So suiting up was all about making sure there was no part of the body exposed. Sky mask with goggles covering your eyes. Two doctors mask covering your mouth under the ski mask. Long sleeve turtle neck sweaters. Solid thick gloves. Blue jean pants over top of thick jogging pants. High-top shoes over two pairs of sock. And anywhere two articles of clothing made a seem, duct tape. It easily took thirty minutes for each of us but to minimize the risk it was time well spent.
It was mid day and we expected to see troops walking up and down the sidewalks but there was none in sight. Best assumption was they had lost so many troops to illness they simply gave up on our town. That was not really what caught my eyes though. Shockingly there were no animals to be seen or heard. No dogs behind fences barking. No squirrels hopping from tree to tree. No birds flying around. Just nothingness. Silent nothingness.
We made our way a couple houses down and sure enough the car was sitting in the garage. Untouched by anyone in what surely looked like weeks. We had heard of looting taking place but in smaller cities such as ours that simply didn’t happen faster than the virus wiping people out. Every house on the street simply looked like everyone was on vacation. Then the thought occurred to me, how many houses here actually had people alive in them anymore? The thought sent chills through me.


I slowly opened the door inside the garage. “Nate, you go ahead and search the kitchen. Remember only canned foods or foods that are completely sealed”. He nodded saying he understood so I began searching the living room.
Everything was so neat and organized in this house. Only reason that surprised me was they had two small children. Normally I could expect to see some sort of mess even if just toys on the ground. This house however was immaculate. I was still looking around when I heard “DAD”. Nate was screaming from the kitchen.
I raced in only to find the entire family sitting around the dinner table dead. Scott the father holding a gun in one hand and a note in the other.

To whomever finds this letter,
I awoke this morning to find myself and my kids all running a fever. I refuse to let our government split us up so my wife and I decided this was the best way. Please lord forgive me for what I have done. My kids do not deserve this but they also did not deserve what the government would do to them either. I love my family with all my heart and at least this way we get to die on our terms and with each other. I did this for them.

Scott Milliner.

I could see the look of fear mixed with sadness in Nathans eyes. I knew that feeling well because I was feeling it too. I grabbed my son and hugged him reassuring him everything would turn out ok for us. Sadly I knew this would be forever engraved in his mind. Did he think I would give up and take my life as well as his, Jake and Hannah's? I could only pray not.


“NATE” I shouted out to break his gaze on this sad scene. “Go head and see what food you can find while I look for those keys”. He looked up at me and for a second seemed lost in the moment. Finally Nate was able to shake it off and began looking through the cupboards.
I made my way back to the living room and saw a key hanger with several sets of keys. Jackpot I thought. One by one I went and one by one none worked. I banged my head into the steering wheel out of sheer frustration before I saw the keys sitting on the passenger seat. Sure enough those were the right keys. A small barely audible laugh left my mouth as I went back inside to finish helping Nate.
He had done really well and with this food we would be able to survive the coming winter till we could plant some crops in spring. He helped me take the food outside where we sat them in a row on the ground and sprayed every single one with alcohol. After spraying down the car as well as ourselves we loaded everything up and drove home. Neither of us have spoke of what we saw in that house even to this day. Maybe one day the image will leave our minds.
Once home we removed our suits and began carrying our supplies out to the car. It was a tight fit but we managed to get everything in. Nate sat up front with me to be my guide. He seemed happy to have the responsibility of reading the map. We did not leave our selves much room for comfort but survival came before comfort even back then. I took a wallet size picture of Julie and placed it on the rear view mirror as we drove away. A single tear feel down my cheek which I wiped away keeping my kids from seeing.
We all knew we would never return home. Jake and Hannah sat still in the back seat, their heads facing down, their life turned upside down. It was all I could do to pull away. This had been their home since birth. So many memories made here. So much of ourselves we had to leave behind. The future was all we could focus on now and even though I could not make them understand it I had to make myself believe it.