8 FILES

UFO

Altered reality, broken mind, self complexity, enter jedi Aram Ken, "Look son that's a flying soucer", I have been looking forward to this very moment, its the end of times, alians have conquered our power and have entered our planet. Eight years old and not afraid to pull my force out to kick some green face, my father and I were headed home at two in the morning when he pointed out this flying soucer that had landed in the middle of the city. People were rushing towards it to take pictures and to record this. We recorded this event, there were many citizens present at the time. It changed my life, they don't hunt me to say now that I live far away from where this happened, but I still remember it like it just happened today. Not only am I ready to battle alians but I think they are intelegent enough not to kill me. I have this sense of history that I have known them on different planets, and also that we are on another planet in the future. These highly power race that came to this planet on that flying soucer could still be here today, and that's what I believe that at this very moment while I am writing this they are aware of me writing about them. That flying soucer was still turned on becouse of the lights that were on and also because I could feel this machine, that it was on when I was there. It had the most spectacular lights, very thin and very sharp. That soucer alone looked like it was so powerful that it can fly from here to another galaxy in less than a second. It landed in very smart site where it is muddy and where these special smokable bamboos grow. I think it could have even been me from the future that landed my soucer there,  maybe my wifes father's flying soucer or her flying soucer, and again it could of been an alian's flying soucer who is not from my race nor is a human and neither is an animal or a man like creature but looks like piccollo from the Dragon Ball Z, or a green fellow that looks like the area 51 autopsy male. To be cont...

Author's Note

Please follow me as I bring forth our Revelation.

Reviews

[Peanuts for Prose]

Very unique style here. I think you have a very modern writing style that is quite literally out of this world. You do a great job of taking us in out of the protagonist's battle with reality/aliens.

[xx]

I'll be honest - this was difficult for me to read.

I suggest using paragraph breaks so that you can split your story into sections of information - new paragraphs for new trains of thought. I also suggest you split your dialogue and create a new paragraph with it, too - it's hard to explain, but if you open to a chapter in a book, you'll see that new dialogue is almost always made into a new paragraph, like so:

I saw the flying saucer streaking across the sky.
"Look, son, that's a flying saucer." (Starting a new paragraph when there is dialogue)

Also, remember to put in commas where necessary, as in the dialogue bit I typed above. You typed "look son that's a flying saucer," but there would be commas right before and after "son."

Also, I suggest changing the very first sentence of this story. I was confused from the very start - I couldn't connect the first sentence about broken minds and self complexity to the rest of the story, which is about a young boy with his father seeing a flying saucer.

I'm sure that if you go through this chapter again and make some changes, you'll have readers in no time. :) Keep writing, keep practicing!

-Mina