Chapter 3: What Lurks Below

Our heroes continue their adventure. Will they get experienced enough to climb the mountain? What will they find when they do? Will our narrator give a flying f**k? Only time will tell!

Did I sell you on it? Did you feel the suspense? Are you excited to learn more? Well, here we go!

Our two heroes killed enough slimes! Yaaaayyyy!!! I’m sure you were NOT expecting that.

Anyways, our heroes walked up the side of the mountain. The air was dry, but thankfully there was a stream placed conveniently along the path, totally not because I didn’t have an explanation as to how they carried enough water on their adventure.

After about an hour of climbing, they heard some voices coming from a cave! After playing “rock paper scissors,” Harry led the way with Mary close behind him.

And I do mean close behind.

Like, REALLY close.

She was practically spooning with him.

Harry didn’t mind.

Anyways, they eventually found a group of five bandits in the cave. Drawing their swords, Mary and Harry charged the bandits. The close quarters made the bandit’s numbers meaningless, and the duo pushed them deeper and deeper into the cave. Eventually, the bandits were down to only one guy left. He turned around and ran, deeper and deeper into the cave.

“OW!” the bandit cried. Our heroes, stumbling in the dark, almost tripped over him. They picked him up.

“What’s wrong?” asked Harry. It sounded as if they were in a clearing.

“I tripped over something,” replied the bandit. He felt around in the dark. “Hmm… this is an awful smooth rock,” he said.

Suddenly, the room was filled with a clicking noise as eight red lights gleamed in the center of the room. With an amazing woosh noise, the torches on the sides of the walls lit up. The bandit found himself holding a watermelon-sized egg. Harry and Mary were staring behind him, petrified.

“What is it?” he asked. Then he turned around and shat himself. In the middle of the room was a spider the size of an eighteen-wheeler. He raised his battleaxe in a defensive stance. Harry and Mary both tried running for the exit, but a massive stone door fell into place, sealing them in.

The spider leapt at Mary first, who just barely managed to sidestep. Harry lunged and put his sword into one of the spider’s legs, and she hissed and clicked at him. But before you could say “fml,” the spider kicked Harry in the chest, sending him flying. The spider leapt atop him, preparing to spray him with webs. Before she was able to wrap him up, however, Mary hacked one of her back legs off. The beast screamed in pain, and jumped to the other side of the room. She then started hurling projectiles of webs out of her abdomen.

One of these projectiles caught the bandit in the face, causing him to stumble around, blinded. Another hit Mary in the arm, gluing it to the wall. Harry, still recovering from the kick, surveyed the situation, wondering what to do.

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Boy, I REALLY wrote myself into a corner here. I need to think of something, quick. This plot doesn’t need to go on any longer than it has to.

hmm… let’s see here… aight f**k it, we’ve covered pretty much every single “don’t” in the “dos and don’ts” of writing. Let’s deus ex-machina this s**t!

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Harry kicked a rock to help him concentrate, and it happened to be the button that triggered a secret cavern to open (Yep, that’s the best I’ve got). He sprinted towards the cavern, dodging webs, and opened a secret chest inside it. He acquired the Stick of Booming!

Stepping back into the cavern, he swaggered forwards and unloaded both barrels into the huge, ugly, creepy face of the spider. The spider died immediately. Harry felt extremely powerful.

He then cut both Mary and the bandit free. He gave Mary his sword; he figured he wouldn’t be needing it anymore. She tried out the dual-wielding by swishing them both through the air. She liked the feel of it.

“Mind if I join you on your adventure?” asked the bandit.

“...Didn’t we kinda kill your friends?” Harry asked confusedly.

“They were dicks anyways.”

And so the trio set off again, into the final part of their adventure.

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F*****g finally. Only one more chapter to go. Quite frankly, I’ve had enough of this s**t.

Author's Note

Well, you made it to chapter 3, so obviously you liked 1 and 2 enough. I would love to hear any feedback you might have!