The Conspiracy to Get Rid of Conspiracy Theorists

A report on the latest meeting of the secret leaders

At the 1285^th annual meeting of the secret leaders of the world, the conversation came around, again, to what could be done to get rid of the people who refused to believe their sensible, rational lies.

One of the hooded, cloaked figures said, “It comes down to this. Some people are too stupid or self-deluded to believe in our rational lies. They persist in the ridiculous notion that we exist.”

Another nameless figure said, “Well… we’re getting pretty good a creating diseases. Maybe we should make a disease that kills irrational people.”

There was a sigh from the leader, identifiable by the red lining on his hood. “We’ve been through this. There’s no genetic marker or physical abnormality involved in foolishness. There’s no way to target the disease.”

One of the younger members spoke for the first time. “I have an idea.”

There was a long silence.

The leader said, “What is it?”

“What if we created both a disease and a vaccine? Intelligent people, who believe in sensible things, like that we don’t exist, will get vaccinated and live. Silly people, who believe in things like our alien ally over there, will refuse and die.”

There was an even longer pause before someone said, “That’s brilliant.”

The vote was unanimous.