One Winter Night...

Play the music, start reading at 2:00 ;-)

Dark sky

Cold winter night

Like a menace,

I stumble, through the shadows of the pines

 

Fog’s eerie mysteries

Floating above the frozen sea

The wind sings to me

the notes of broken melody…

 

Snowflakes falling down

Catching the rhythm of the tears on your face

Oh how I wish…

to wipe them with my hands

 

Once white snow

Slowly turning into blood of sorrow

 

I hear your voice

Calming my soul…

“I need you. Please don’t go…Please…”

Author's Note

I've never seen winter, all is my imagination. I'm creating a story out of this poem... Reviews are very much appreciated. :) -olive

Reviews

[Emma]

*sigh* This is beautiful. Especially the music!
The one thing that caught my eye was in verse two, in the last line, "the notes of broken melody…" I just feel like there should be an "a" before broken. So that it is, "the notes of a broken melody…" If you were trying to match the number of syllables of line two and four, you could just change line two by adding or changing a word. For example: "Hovering above the frozen sea" or "Floating high above the frozen sea"
Keep up the fantastic writing! Great job!

[Aprille]

Thank you Emma. ;) Actually, I don't really count syllables and lines (*laughs). Thanks again, so much.

[....................]

this is such beautiful poetry and the music adds such depth to your words...i used to do this when teaching poetry in the classroom - use music as a cultural eye through which to enhance or change the mood of a piece of work...that you have never experienced winter is astonishing for in so few words you capture its essence...the opening stanza is really beautiful and i love the image of'stumbling 'through the shadows of the pines'...beautiful work, Olive :)

[Urja Gokani]

amazingly written keep it up !!

[Aprille]

Thank you.

[Robert]

This was moving Olive I enjoyed the free verse of your writing of this heart telling piece. Well done.

[Aprille]

Thank you Sir.

[L. C. Rhodes]

Very effective imagery. It captured the essence of sadness

[Aprille]

Thank you. :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

Olive, I thought this was an exceptionally good and deep poem for one as young as you. I am not sure the last line was necessary though. Well done

[Aprille]

Thank you, sorry for a very late reply. :)

[Rocans]

Your images are well thought of and affective. Quite a gem this you have produced.

[Aprille]

Thank you. :)

[W R Stowe]

Your imagination is very descriptive of an Ohio winter as well as the winter of one's life very good

[Aprille]

Oh, I've never seen winter. Since you said Ohio's winter is like the imagery in my poem, I would love to go there. :)

[W R Stowe]

like anywhere else midwest USA

[Aprille]

Thank you. :)

[anne]

Its so heart connecting and emotional...sooooo nice

[Aprille]

Thank you. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

so beautiful .. so glad to read this! the depth of melancholy and wanting is so well displayed in the contrast of winter and the song and the pic... i am amazed you have never seen winter .. you are from the Philippines and are 19 yrs old ... my goodness .. such a solid command of the language .. reading this i never would have guessed .. its terrible beauty ...“I need you. Please don’t go…Please…”
fine stuff says i!
E.

[Aprille]

Thank you so much Sir for your kind review. I've been dreaming of winter, sure I'll see it very soon. Take care. Happy New Year. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

well ... you can have all of mine .. it has been -2 to -10 F for the last three days .. i haven't checked the thermometer yet this morning but when i let the dog out it felt closer to 0 F
:)

[Aprille]

Oh, I would still love such cold days. :)