magic

disappearing behind the blanket as a childish trick of magic

it used to be funny, but now it feels tragic

still on the same path, four years later

the wallowing eyes in the mirror make me hate her

bandaged, leaning against a door

cold tiles and a mess on the floor

knowing the feeling

of staring up at that ceiling

like an ineluctable surrender

up to the sky, you may now send her.

i walk around waiting for broken glass to hurl at me

something else needs to jump up and jab at my desecrated face

looking outside my body, as far as i can see

there is nothing and nobody for my pain to embrace

i have grown enervated

of being my own atrocity

i'm waiting for war

to wage down on this city

give me someone to fight

though i'm weak and sink in my feelings at night

i am tired of the same magic trick

because now instead of a blanket it's a wall built brick by brick

downwards my mind will dig,

and the pink disfigured bits of my brain

will be worms that squirm and cringe at why

in the dirt and soil i chose to die

instead of floating angelically to a heavenly sky

where angels don't bury their last thoughts, but freely cry

i don't know why

but i never found strength to say goodbye

so i disappeared behind the blanket as a childish trick of magic

it used to be funny but now it's only tragic.

Author's Note

idk