I Love You, Goodbye

This is it.  A decision had to be made.  This decision will alter everything.

But there’s nothing left to do even if I try my best to avoid it.  I can’t.  A CHOICE HAD TO BE TAKEN.  All the options had been laid in front of me.  I had to choose one.  I had to choose the best path to take.

STAY.

I can continue to believe that everything will be alright once again.  I can continue to hope that everything is just a bad dream and when I wake up, it’ll be over.  I can continue to wish that the pain will go away, that it’s just a phase and the tears will dry.

I can forget everything else.  I can forsake everything else.  I can risk all that I have.  I can hold on to whatever’s left of us.  I can fight longer for the sake of love, for his sake.

WAIT.  ENDURE.  PRAY.

I can do all these and more.  I can STAY and continue to be enslaved by LOVE’S CHAIN.

GO.

I can walk away and never look back.  I can get away from all this mess I’m in.  I can save myself from all the trouble believing in something that will just hurt me in the end.

I can be strong and stand firm as I step out of the shadows and say goodbye to a love that is lost.  I can shed some tears and move on from a relationship that is doomed and gone forever.

This will be my life’s toughest decision.  It is inevitable.  And it is something I must do.

I wanted to STAY.

I wanted to ENDURE everything to the very end.

I wanted to WAIT for him; that one man I’ve loved for so long.

But as I was doing so, as I was directing everything towards him. I’ve become someone I barely know.  I’ve lost who I used to be.  I had fallen off track.

Is it worth it?  Is he worth it?

I wanted to say, “YES” but I can’t.  The things he had done speak for themselves.  I cannot make myself believe in his so-called LOVE anymore.  I can no longer pretend that I cannot see pass all his lies.  I can no longer pretend that I am that naïve not to know when enough is enough.

It’s about time I learn to love myself more.

He made his choice when he chose to make a fool out of me.  Thus, I am making mine.  There’s no more looking back this time.  I am putting everything on the line.

I had done my best.  I had done what I could.  But I’ve been hurt so badly that I can no longer hold on.  I can no longer forgive and forget.  I’m done playing the martyr.  I’m done being the hopeless romantic willing to do anything for the sake of a relationship that blossomed from a decade of friendship.

It’s time for me to accept that IT’S OVER.

I know myself better than anyone else.  I’m a tough cookie, that’s what they say.  I believe I am.  So even if I won’t manage to come of this situation unscathed, even if I’ll have some scars deeper that anyone can ever fathom, even if I’ll be choked with life’s endless uncertainty, I can manage to stay alive and fight for life.

I don’t know what the future has in store for both of us.  Maybe we’ll meet again one day, who knows.  If that day comes, I’ll be just fine.  I’ll be stronger, wiser, better.

To the man I’ve loved: “ Before my love to you turns to hate.  Before I lose whatever ounce of restraint I have left to curb my anger, I’m WALKING AWAY.  I’m stepping out of the shadows and live my life without you.  You may think that I cannot do it, but I can.  I am letting go.  Yes, I LOVE YOU but I can no longer stay with you.  GOODBYE.”

Reviews

[Dhaye]

A poignant piece... I can't help it but to feel sad, remembering the times when I was young and felt in love with someone who cannot love me back. True love never hurts... and if it does, it's not that kind of love we are searching for. I can see it that it's like a one-sided love...you gave too much while the other one abused it. I admire you for gaining your strength and loving yourself. Go girl!
When it comes to the structure of your paragraph, I have only one suggestion: Indention of the start of each paragraph will improve the presentation of this piece.
Other than that, I like the wave of emotions portrayed in this story. Keep going!

[april13]

thank you very much for your appreciation and suggestion :)

[Richard]

beautiful :)

[Hatchling]

Nicely written

[april13]

thank you :)

[Omegax45]

This is really deep. The main character reveals the deep recesses of her thoughts about her battered relationship at her breaking point, showing her feelings for the pros and cons with her choices. This story is really good, and I do hope there is going to be a side story of the other party's feelings about the main character's choice.

[april13]

thank you for that wonderful review. i'll think about your suggestion :)