The 'burbs

That picket fence is s**t

because its so important -

to you.

Your perfect children

bully Daisy daily in year 2

because she

walks funny,

looks funny

talks,

slowly...  

that jewellery you're wearing:

common. 

but you like the way it jingles.

it provides relief for other women 

because you

all share the same ideologies &

values

i walk past you;

sans fence

sans child

sans gold

it makes you angry 

what, is that?

that thing which makes you trace my steps carefully, 

indulging with your eyes...

eventually,

you dote on my daily passing

standing at the letterbox

desperate to say 'Hi!'

the sun goes down

im going away

today i said goodbye

routine.

'dinners ready' 

you nourish your extensions

why won't you nourish you?

Reviews

[xx_strawberry_xx]

It’s written quite well. I don’t seem to find any mistakes in it, so that’s good.
I think writers café is the first place that I’ve seen swearing in poems.. the only poems I used to read before writers café was poems from school, which didn’t have swearing.
But the way you wrote it made it make sense.
Good Job. :D

[PianoandPage]

i like this but i feel like the end is missing something. i wanted more of a moment when the two worlds meet. i donno. just a thought. you write with confidence edged with derision and it's a bright splinter that captures my eye.

the last line is really brilliant and i think is a question so many of us have to ask ourselves to keep our priorities straight.

that white picket fence really is s**t. still, i think we are looking for a sense of belonging and some put that energy into materilistic ideologies.

[Moflo]

Wow this was really good. I love the concept of tearing apart this perfect, Stepford-esque society that the narrator considers the opposite of happiness and fulfillment. Great write, I love the emotion.

[underwriter]

interesting write! it flows nicely and your use of language is good! good write!

[robyn.alexandra]

You write incredibly well, a real insight.
Excellent!

[Robin]

wow, this is edgy and real , I like it