Pete

What upsets me about myself

is that i run away from love,

and curse it when it evades me (see mummys boy)

I've loved Pete for years

in this tiny, micro-managed department that is my heart

Unfortunately,

I'm his temporary w***e

I pretend that I don't care

when his familiar hands trace my curves

I close my eyes and hide the smile

when i smell his unique scents

the base of his neck

behind his ear

My lips defeat intention -

(he knows i'm happy)

teeth revealed - lips curled at the edges of my mouth

i put my head down to his chest

he kisses my head

familiar lips

we make a thick kiss

lazy love insights phenomenal passion

heat insights sweat

i shake with anxiety, hunger

needing you

wanting you

wanting to be a part of you

while I am missing

like a rocket we're gone

and inside i explode

into you i'm gone

a piece of me returns

and it pains you to let me go

because right now,

im your w***e

we weren't always this way

once you had to have me 

my insights

my insecurities

my insides and my outsides

hugged me

interrupted me;

and my defeat about the world

became engagement

so selfless still

but no-one appreciates you

i hope you see me

but it hurts you to know im still yours?

what to do with it?

i kiss you as i leave

close the door confused

empty yet full

we start the day anew

ill see you again, sooner or later

but lets not get old like this

love find me

love find you

with or without you

we need to be engaged

my heart is a mystery

and though we are history

im finding it hard to stop reminiscing 

and wondering where we went wrong

ah - that's right.

i cheated

Author's Note

another purge

Reviews

[Ron]

Every man who reads this should hang their head in shame! I am! So well written! I watched your heart breaking by fragments while reading this. Another man up to the old weak tricks, feigns love to reap sex! Causing havoc in so doing!!! Super, chastening, poem!

[robyn.alexandra]

I rarely ever read poems that I can relate to so well,
It reminds me of someone I used to know, and it just ripped me apart all over again, Beautiful work!
ps. I've rewritten Sterile, I don't think I'm holding back what you want to hear now ;P xo

[Robin]

I like your style, direct , open , real

[PianoandPage]

holy crap! i love this! inventive, new... such strong personality. great lines.

i especially liked, "we make a thick kiss". that just was so.... grawr.

this is all the right kinds of fucked up. the internal confusion, the struggle, the seduction, the regret, the self loathing, the rejoicing, the familiar intimacy and the thrill and loss of cheating. the way love and attraction cast many shadows.

[Mauricio Montoya]

I can a lot of feelings here, right or wrong we con not change the past only move forward to make amends.
Excellent write.