Scene 8

A Chapter by apj1465

Caitlin gets a proposal.

SCENE 8.

(Apartment. MAN Enters, looks round. )

MAN.

(quietly.) Caitlin? Great she's out. (Picks up a remote control. Sits.) I wonder if there's any football on? (Starts 'flicking through' the channels.)

Enter CAITLIN .

CAITLIN.

I think you will find the remote is not working.

MAN.

(flicking through the channels.) Seems all right to me.

CAITLIN takes remote from MAN and throws it across the stage.

Caitlin.

CAITLIN.

Yes?

MAN.

I don't think the remote is working. (Pause.) You're upset.

CAITLIN.

Really? (Sarcastically.) How can you tell?

MAN.

Because I'm a really caring and sensitive boyfriend who only wants you to be happy. It's about the Manet. (Correcting himself.) Monet. Monet.

CAITLIN.

Are you offering to get it back for me?

MAN.

Me? From those two mad - .

CAITLIN.

Yes?

MAN.

But it could be something we could do together. You're always saying we don't do enough together.

CAITLIN.

I am but do you really think that's going to make up for what happened do you?

MAN.

Happened? Oh being kidnapped by Julian. Come to think of it how did you -.

CAITLIN.

Being kidnapped was bad enough, but having to borrow the cab fare from him to get back home, that was just embarrassing. As rescues go, it wasn't a very good one.

MAN.

But I had to do something to rescue the woman I'm going to marry.

CAITLIN.

(manner changes completely becoming very interested.) Marry?

MAN.

Hmm?

CAITLIN.

Marry. You said marry?

MAN.

Did I?

CAITLIN.

You want to get married?

MAN.

(innocently.) Don't you?

CAITLIN.

(too eager.) Yes! Absolutely, (more controlled.) But only if you quite sure it's something you really want to do?

MAN.

(mock outrage.) Of course I'm sure! Caitlin, that really hurts. How could you even think otherwise?!

CAITLIN.

You do know what happens in a marriage ceremony?

MAN.

The vicar gets everyone pissed on cheap wine?

CAITLIN.

Not that type of ceremony.

MAN.

Oh.

CAITLIN.

You have to make vows?

MAN.

I can do that.

CAITLIN.

And tell the truth?

MAN.

(doubtful.) Is that a requirement?

CAITLIN.

Pretty much. There's also another requirement?

MAN.

Which is?

CAITLIN.

You have to give your real name.

MAN.

(becoming very defensive.) But I've told you my real name. I've even shown you my passport.

CAITLIN.

You have. But I'm more concerned with the names on the other five passports you think I don't know about.

MAN.

How did you find those?

CAITLIN.

I was checking your jeans before I put them in the washing machine.

MAN.

They weren't in my jeans, they were under the floor boards under your wardrobe.

CAITLIN.

I'm very thorough.

MAN.

(resigned.) My real name? (Thinking.) You want to know my real name?

CAITLIN.

(encouraging. ) Yes?

MAN.

(thinking.) I can do that.

CAITLIN.

(disappointed.) Well, if you're sure? But I want you to do it properly.

MAN.

(gets down on one knee.) Caitlin, will you marry me?

CAITLIN.

Do you mean it?

MAN.

Definitely.

CAITLIN.

And you're really sure about this?

MAN.

Absolutely.

CAITLIN.

(long pause.) I'll have to think about it. (Turns away.)

MAN.

(gets up. Pause then lightly. ) Caitlin?

CAITLIN.

(turns back. Then innocently) Yes?

MAN.

I've been thinking.

CAITLIN.

Oh I wish you wouldn't do that.

MAN.

That I ought to make it up to you.

CAITLIN.

Now I'm really worried.

MAN.

Why?

CAITLIN.

You're being thoughtful and considerate. When a man is being thoughtful and considerate at the same time it means he's either done something or he's about to do something.

MAN.

That's a little harsh. Let me ask you this, how about we go -.

CAITLIN.

No.

MAN.

You don't know what I was going to say.

CAITLIN.

Yes I do, and I'm not going to any away matches either.

MAN.

That just shows how little you actually know me.

CAITLIN.

Is that so?