u wanna know y i wanna die? Journal Entry

         

Wanna Know y i want 2 b dead?        

Current mood:  bullied 

Category: Life

FACEBOOK.COM: u won't listen to me. u all r su flaky to me. if u weren't, as "friends" u would b trying to make me happy, make me smile, and stop riding this horrid rollercoaster of sadness! funny how u all leave me on it, and expect me to get off by muself! what kind of friends r u?! u know how hard htat is WHEN IT'S STILL MOVING?!! I WANNA B HAPPY!!!!!!!  

(around 12:00pm)

 

Then this:

 

Sarrruh™

 

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Pop Out IM

11/11/2009

 

2:50 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

hey

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2:50 PM

Sarrruh™:

hey...who is this?

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2:50 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

kaitlynn

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2:50 PM

Sarrruh™:

put a pic of you!!! so i know who it is TT-TT

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2:51 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

...i have no camera

u could forward tht pic of me when we were at ur house to stay the night and my hair was in low pigtails if u want

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2:52 PM

Sarrruh™:

i dont have that fone anymore

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2:52 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

o nvm then

it okay

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2:52 PM

Sarrruh™:

ok..

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2:53 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

i cant believe myself anymore...i'm listening to http:../../..www...youtube...com/..watch?v=r8Sn6iLIZYI and my heart is aching

its such a sweet song

u there?

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2:55 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

...i scared her away... *laughs to self* god i'm such a depressing person! no wonder every1 gets tired of hanging around me!--crap. c now this is y i don't like myself--UGH! i'm just ruining ur day by saying this

u probably want to hand out with ariel some more

so i'll let u go

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2:57 PM

Sarrruh™:

i'm sorry i didnt see u replied TT-TT

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2:57 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

.....the big paragraph above didn't show did it?

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2:58 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

u there?

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2:58 PM

Sarrruh™:

it did but i didnt close it out so it did go BING

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2:59 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

oh

make sense...

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2:59 PM

Sarrruh™:

yeah

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2:59 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

*sighs*

i hate today

 

3:00 PM

Sarrruh™:

why?

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3:00 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

my parents were arguing over the phone, i had to walk my dog in the pouring rain, then had to listen to my mom yell at D and Justin (older brother) and then at Nathan (younger brother) and then she left really

mad and frustrated wi th D and J

then i had to do the dishes

then I had to wipe down counters

then my cat bit me

the i got upset and typed n a stoty

to try and make myself calm

that is y hate today

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3:03 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

...i'm srry if it seems like i'm complaining

i dont mean 2

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3:04 PM

Sarrruh™:

ok doing dishes, wiping counters, and walking a dog is just CHORES. everyone has chores. hearing your siblings get yelled at is normal too. everyone with siblings go thru it. i'm sorry ur mom was mad and ur parents agrued but its just pretty much life

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3:05 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

ik ik it's just that I hurt her AGAIN. I always so this. when ever my mommy is upset or my dad is, the other kids storm around yell and scream. *MOM* (jolds head and mutters) i take it anymre

*me*

wraps arms around moms waist saying sadly/softly:

have a nice day at work and i love you

mom: looks away

*i can't take it anymore" up top

it hurts my parents feelings when i hug them with a sad look

like i did 2 my mom 2 day

srry

didn't mean to rant like th-- *sighs*

would u like 2 know what i'm listening to?

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3:10 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

u there?

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3:10 PM

Sarrruh™:

ariul wants me off so we can hang bye bye

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3:10 PM

Wonders-Of-Th…:

o

bye

 

It's not Sarah's fault i feel upset, its not my mom or my dad but. it IS the fact that I have SUCH FLAKY FRIENDS!  ALL OF U --AND U AND I BOTH KNOW U R-- TIRED OF ME BEING DEPRESSED!!!

 EVERY DAY GOES BY, AND I HAVEN'T SMILE!! 

EVERYDAY GOSE BY AND I STILL RIDE THIS SICK ROLLERCOASTER!  

WON'T ANY OF U PULL THE BREAK?

WON'T ANY OF U NOTICE THAT MY HAND IS OUT OF REACH?!

WON'T ANY OF YOU PULL THE DAMN BREAK AND HELP ME GET OFF?!!!!!!!!

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AS U EAD THIS!

UR THINKING THAT U FEEL BAD 4 ME WHEN U DON'T! 

UR THINKING: OH POOR kaitlynn SHE'S HAVING A BAD DAY. W/E CAN I DO?

AND U THINK AND THINK AND THINK

AND IN THE END YOU DO NOTHING!!

N. O. T. H. I. N. G.

NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!!!!!!

LET ME TELL YOU THIS:

I HATE MYSELF FOR THE FOLOWING:

BEING SKINNY

BEING FAT

SELFISH

LONELY

SAD

HURT

WANTING

TIRED

GIVING UP

ON THE EDGE

LOW SELF ESTEM

UNDESTATMENT

STUPID

RETARDED

UPSET

CARELESS

FED UP

UNLOVED

depressed!! 

UNCARED FOR

 

FRIENDLESS!!!!!!

IF YOU ALL CARED FOR ME, WOULD I B LIKE THIS?!

WOULD I ALWAYS B IN EMOTIONAL PAIN?!!!

would i want to just drop dead?

would i?