2:Scared To Look At You

 Scared To Look At You

Your angry and cold to the bone.

I sit on the edge of my couch,

cold and all alone

as your taunting rage

and words flow out of your mouth.

 

I'm the only one out of my family

who even dares starts to cry.

I want so badly to bolt out of the house.

I want so badly to scream,

Scream for you to stop,

to stop and think about me.

 

But I'm scared

and I don't understand

why you and mommy and uncle

are all yelling and hollering.

I hear you yell about us,

me and my siblings.

I hear you yell get out at him

and I begin to sob.

I have no idea that

this is how I would come to fear you,

that this may be the last time I see my uncle.

 

I'm only ten.

I'm only a child

and yet so tender.

I'm now scared to look at you

when your face is contacted in such furry.

I'm scared that you might hurt me.

 

Three years pass

and I sit alone in a dark room

that holds so many dark secrets.

I'm listening to you and mom fight.

I'm listening to my older brother yell back.

I'm listening to the quite yet loud

aching sound of my heart

as your voice grows louder.

I've had enough.

Somehow, I'm now next you,

screaming! - screaming so loudly.

 

You yell back

and yell that it's not about me.

You yell for me to go to my room

and I apologize but bolt.

 

I grow too weak to stand

as I reach the bottom of my steps.

My feet grow to cinder blocks

and I fall to my hand and knees

in the middle of my room.

My upper half of my body

is so weak and my heart is aching

from the beating against my rib cage,

wanting to burst through and explode.

 

I'm scared as I sob,

as you walk over to me,

help me up, and sooth me.

Yet, here I am, seven months later,

scared to look at you.

Afraid of what lurks in you,

of your voice and it's tone,

of everything.

I'm just...

 

Scared to look at my dad.