Hurting

Can you tell that I'm trying?

Can you tell that I care?

Because when I need you

You're never there.

But I curl up beside you

And finish this cigarette

But I still love you

So never forget

When we were once happy

And you were my smile

But it's faded because

You were gone for awhile

But now you're back

Please, don't leave again

Yes, we were having troubles

But that was then

I need you close now

But forever I've needed you

I've never told

But here's the clue

I cried for days 

When you were gone

Because without you

Life was wrong

I was lonely

And you never smiled

Because no one was there

We were alone for awhile

But we found ourselves

And I guess that's what matters

We held together

Though we were bruised and tattered

But we found each other

Once again

We know this won't last

I'm ready for the pain

Because you'll leave

You always do

But this will be the last time

I feel pain from you

This will soon be the end

But never again a beginning

The pain does hurt

But it's just a little stinging

Compared to the feelings

I feel when you're here

Because it hurts when you're gone

But it hurts when you're near.

Author's Note

It sounds a little singsongy. I'm not sure if I like it, but I like the feelings behind it. Whatcha think?

Reviews

[Sarah]

It shows great emotion. love the last part.
Well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

Pain is hard to control. Sometime hard to know to cry or laugh. A emotional journey with your words. I like the flow of thoughts and the strong ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Apatheia, it was ok.not a wow poem as I think it feels a little forced in places and perhaps a shorter more punchier focus would help.

[de_maruf]

fine

[Victorious]

Dear Apatheia,

The only problem I have with this poem is this stanza where it reads, "But we found each other once again/ we know this won't last/I'm ready for pain." The rhyme scheme messed up there to me. Other than that, everything else tells me a story of loneliness in a relationship. My favorite stanza is the very last one because the lines are vague, but they portray the mood. There's character in this poem and your voice is evidently expressed.

Thanks for sharing.

Sincerely Victorious

God bless