Striving To Do More Than Survive

You told me that I'm strong

You said to let my walls give

Because I'm just surviving

if I refuse to live. 

You told me to take chances

Put the pieces back together

Before it advances

That things will get worse then better

'

You said you believed in me

I just need some time

With some patience I'll be free

That it's the climb

But you said you'll help me through it

It's to much for me alone

But I can't quit

There's more to the world than shown.

Author's Note

MachinaWriter inspired me to write this. I don't think it's done, but tell me what you think so far?

Reviews

[Ees]

Hmmmm, really nice.
In the first stanza the line about walls giving makes sense, it is just that I sort of wish you had used a little bit different imagery. I understand why you used it, I really do, but for some reason I keep struggling with a wall "giving" because I am seeing earthquake and crumble.

"Because I'm just surviving
if I refuse to live. "- I LOVE this. the concept is really fantastic. It makes sense.

"With some patience I'll be free
That it's the climb"- Consider switching out "that" with "but". I like the way that sound for some reason.

"But you said you'll help me through it
It's to much for me alone"- you left an 'o' off of the too.

I like the poem a lot and think that it could easily be done. It really doesn't need to say anything more, in my opinion.
Great job!

[Apatheia]

Thank you very much. :)

[Oh Wow, Lovely.]

I really like this! :) and it hurts to admit but when it say


things will get worse then better it be true.

[Apatheia]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

[Craba]

Makes one think of what they have. Very well written and expressed.

[Apatheia]

Thank you very much. :)

[Dr. Wood ?]

so far so good, it does seem to be unfinished...only one typo....3rd line from last....to....needs another 'O'

[Apatheia]

:P Thank you!

[deepblue04]

wow, this is just beautiful. I like how there was a person that said, oh you can do everything, but in reality it's hard for the person to bear it. I really like it, good job!

[Apatheia]

Thank you so much. :)