Striving To Do More Than Survive

You told me that I'm strong

You said to let my walls give

Because I'm just surviving

if I refuse to live. 

You told me to take chances

Put the pieces back together

Before it advances

That things will get worse then better

'

You said you believed in me

I just need some time

With some patience I'll be free

That it's the climb

But you said you'll help me through it

It's to much for me alone

But I can't quit

There's more to the world than shown.

Author's Note

MachinaWriter inspired me to write this. I don't think it's done, but tell me what you think so far?

Reviews

[Victorious]

Dear Apatheia,

I liked the rhythm in the first stanza, has a certain beat to it. I especially liked the lines, "because I'm just surviving/if I refuse to live." It makes me think about the concept of enjoying life and living instead of just existing.

The second stanza is down to earth. I liked how it flowed together. You said, "you told me to take chances," and I like the following line because it makes me think when you take chances, there's always a chance that you may get heartbroken, therefore taking that chance once or twice, you got to pick up the pieces. That stanza pretty much reminds me of the roallarcoaster of life.

It's nice to have someone to help you up and believe you can make it. I'm not sure if I can relate to that stanza as much as the rest because I believe you can be free if you want to. Emotions and circumstances don't have to control you. Perhaps, with patience comes growth and in that case I can definitively attest to that.

Change the "to" to "too. I don't like the structure of the last stanza, but I like the content of it. No one should have to be alone and we never are. Life is way worth it, don't quit.

Nice write. Thanks for sharing.

Sincerely Victorious

God bless

[Steven Cash]

Real nice as always girl

[Pearlie]

I really like it so far!! Nicely written, wonderful structure and I love the theme of survival. Something that strikes every human.
Great work lovely xx

[Coyote Poetry]

Good advice given and I like the positive ending.
"But I can't quit
There's more to the world than shown."
We must go forward always. Backward lead to repeat mistakes only. No weakness in the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[eatmills]

Very nice piece. Love that line about "surviving if I refuse to live". It does sound like it is unfinished. Well done.

[b.platte]

I love this (so far?). It has a great flow (especially that first stanza, really great)

I think it's great as is, but I think you could make it even better, because it has a place to go and you're a great writer to take it there.

:)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Just surviving is not living... we all need help from time to time but in the end we must do most of it alone if we want to grow as an individual... nicely done.

[Bumble]

I love it! The flow was nicely done!

[Rufus "Mr Blaque" Lacy,..]

This can be a dedication to a family member or friend who gave guidance. You should add one more stanza to tie it together.

[de_maruf]

fine