The White Room

I wake up with a blinding light above my bed. Where am I? I look around and see that everything is white. The bed is white. The walls are white. The ceiling's white. I sit up and step out of the bed only to realize that I am also wearing white. I was in a hospital gown. My skin was even white except for the pink scars lining my arms. I try to remember the night before. Nothing unusual happened, just my nightly thing. A nurse comes in.

"Are you," She pauses and looks through her papers, "Chloe?" I watch her closely to try to find some sort of expression telling me what's going on. "I'm glad to see that you're finally awake. You had us scared for a little bit."

"Where am I?" but there wasn't an answer. She simply smiled and nodded on her way out. I tried to follow her but the heavy door slams in my face. I return to my bed and sit down. Maybe this is a dream? But I realize too soon that this is all too real.  About a half an hour passes and a doctor named Deshponde comes in.

"Good afternoon, Miss. I will be your doctor from now until the point you get out of here. I understand that you have a lot of questions. We'll get to those in a moment. For now, I have some questions for you." My heart sinks. I always hate when people ask me questions and I have to answer immediately. I feel.. pressured. "Just make sure that you're very honest with me, okay?" I nod. "Have you been.. sad or depressed lately? What's been going on?" I stare at him with a blank expression. How is my life any of his business. 

"What's it to you? Where am I, anyway?" I give him glare that seemed to surprise him. 

"Now, don't get mad at me, Little Miss," he starts flipping though his papers, "You're at Bear Paw." Bear paw? My mind searches for where I've heard that name before and then it hits me.

"You're telling me that I'm at a mental institution?" I'm vivid at this point.

"Ma'am, don't think of it like that. It's just.." He looks at my arms " we feel like we need to watch over you for a bit. Until we know you are fully recovered."

"Recovered from what?" I ask.

"Self-harm, drug addictions, thoughts of suicide.." the doctor trails off as though he's thinking. "And we need to get your body weight up from 83 to at least 115."

"Suicide? Self-har-" I cut  myself off. I'm too frustrated to even think. " I was doing just fine on my own. How did you even find me anyway?"

"Well, your mother called saying she was worried about you and I guess it's a good thing that she did. By the time we had gotten to your house the mixture of the cut bleeding from your arm, drugs, and alcohol, you could have died that very second."

Ahh, now I remember. 

"I want out!" I scream. "I'm fine, just let me go."

"I don't think it will be that easy, Honey." says the doctor, and leaves me in the white room alone once again.

Author's Note

I got bored and wrote this. I was going to try to tie it in with my story "Addictions" but after I started writing it I wasn't so sure. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very strong story. To awake being locked up would be scary. I like the conversation and the logical ending. Need to keep some people safe from themselves. Thank you for the excellent story.
Coyote

[Marcos Berenguer]

Amazing story! I love the beginning part--there are so many ways you can go from there--know what I mean? Like, there are so many endings you can still do with this lol Your ending was good, though. Powerful.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

It is an interesting vignette. Well written and interesting. You set the scene well and the lack of description of the characters reflects the fact she feels lacking in information. The whiteness adds to the state people often think themselves in when coming out of sleep, a drug induced state or a coma.

[Claire Twinn]

I like the description of waking up disorientated in hospital, but find it hard to believe she would have forgotten her terrible problems, even briefly. I'd like more though- what brought her to the brink?

[eatmills]

I am not going to play the part of editor, just no point right now. What I will do, is be your spirit guide through this. Yes, this would tie-in with "Addictions" but somewhere further into the story. It would be a good pick up from a turmoiled cliffhanger. As my fifth grade English teacher always said a story is like a Big Mac.

Nice detail and expressions.

[Apatheia]

Hahaha thanks. :P

[Victorious]

Dear Apatheia,

MachinaWriter pretty much said all the corrections I saw. The only thing I would suggest is to be a little more descriptive here, "Well, your mother called saying she was worried about you and I guess it's a good thing that she did. By the time we had gotten to your house the mixture of the cut bleeding from your arm, drugs, and alcohol, you could have died that very second" I didn't really understand the condition. Or maybe when the narrator said she remembered, you could have described the scene, relating to her visible scars right now. For example, "I clinched my hands as I remembered the vodka/type of alcohol bottle hanging off the tips of my skinny fingers" or "my eyes crashed to the cuts on my arms," or something that gives her a character, unless the whole theme of this was meant to be confusion. The girl seems combative; you could expand on that.

The dialogue of the doctor can be stronger because I really don't think a doctor would sound like that.

What exactly is the symbol of the white room other than a mental institution? Did the white walls shine like car headlights and she was the deer with big eyes? That's what I have to ask here.

If this is to be the opening to a novel, I say it's pretty good since there would be more information to come and you'd see the girl in another different light. My favorite part would have to be, "I always hate when people ask me questions and I have to answer immediately. I feel.. pressured." Cause that's how I feel. If I don't have a pen and paper sometimes, I feel like my skin gets tight and I can't breathe from that pressure. You could draw out how pressured she felt right then being asked questions she probably did not want to answer.

As for tying the two stories together "Addictions" and the "The White Room," you can and make a bridge between the two. It could be like a prologue, a proem maybe. You can symbolize the white room as being a prison of those addictions.
There's room to improve this.

Sincerely Victorious

God bless you!

[MachinaWriter]

I like it. A few little tips, small things:

How does she know the doctor's name? Let us know. Describe her seeing the name tag, or have him introduce himself. And the part where she says,

"You're telling me that I'm at a mental institution?" I'm vivid at this point.

I think you meant livid. Vivid means clear, concise. Livid means upset, angry, that kind of thing. Other than those two things, I loved the story. And it would be a good tie in with Addictions. Keep it up. ^^

[Apatheia]

>_< Thank you very much. :)

[b.platte]

Nice story. There are some grammatical issues that you should read through for, but putting those aside, this was a powerful piece.

I felt her confusion and her frustraiton. You did an excellent job putting the reader in her shoes. Even though I agreed that given the information, she should have been there, I was still hurting for her.

Thanks for posting.

[Apatheia]

I know, I'm not that great with grammar. >_< But thank you.

[b.platte]

So many writers aren't. lol, that's what keeps editors in business. ;)

[Apatheia]

exactly. :)

[deepblue04]

wow, this is interesting. please right more?

[Apatheia]

Maybe ^^