A Different Version Of Me

"Shhhh," the little girl whispers,

"I bet you've never seen this."

I look into the darkness.

"Please come back here, Miss"

My heart starts pounding

My ears are ringing

"Hurry," she says quickly.

And then starts singing.

I take one step forwards-

-hearing things crash

I see the girls silhouette

There's something in the trash.

"This dark alley can't be best for you,"

I whisper, barely speaking.

"What did you just say?" She muttered,

And then she started shrieking.

It echoed through the alleyway

It echoed through my heart.

I recognized the voice

But this was just the start.

The girl walked out of the shadows,

Terrifying and young

Covered in blood with tattered clothes -

That to her body clung.

She looked just like someone I know

But her heart was black

She had some bad intentions

Emotions she seemed to lack

I was getting dizzy

But I wish that I could see

That the little girl

Was the opposite, but she was me.

Author's Note

I kinda wanted to tell a story poem. Tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Claire Twinn]

oooh creepy! I like the rhythm and build up here, and particularly your echoed stanza. I wonder what your darker you will do?

[Balkaran Sidhu]

good write

[Apatheia]

Thanks :)

[Steven Cash]

i liked it a whole lot

you did a real good job

[Apatheia]

Thank you

[Steven Cash]

np

[MachinaWriter]

I really like this one. You're really good at doing poetry in stories. Its fun, isn't it? lol For some reason I was reminded of the little girl from this video game called F.E.A.R, but maybe its because of the picture. Either way, creepy, powerful, and yet a solid look into the human psyche. Good work all around.

[Apatheia]

Thank you and its tons of fun ^^

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Facing our fears and dark side is always surreal... A very intoxicating and twisted. Fun to read.

[Apatheia]

Thank you

[Victorious]

Dear Apatheia,

I like this one. The rhyme scheme was great and you did excellent to tell a story. It's as it were written by a female Edgar Allen Poe, lol. The description of the girl was frightening and truly well expressed. I have no critiques other than change "girls" to "girl's" to show possession. Besides, that, brilliantly done.

Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless you!

[Apatheia]

Thank you so much. That honestly mean a lot to me. I love all of his work and for this poem to be like a female version is something to be proud of.

[Belinda]

Kept you on your toes. Great read.

[Apatheia]

Thank you. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Tasha]

I liked it. Half-way through I knew that the narrator was looking at herself, the girl.

[Apatheia]

I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Daliah Valley]

This was pretty cool. I could envision what was going on; I could see it. You used words to tell a story- (duh)- and you did a great job.

[Apatheia]

Hahah Thank you. :P