Chapter one

I ran a brush through my stringy hair. I always hated my hair. Which was odd because I dyed it so much you'd think I was obsessed with it. I've had just about every color you could imagine. Blonde, brown, blue, purple, pink, green, it was a never ending rainbow. I guess I did it because I liked the attention, like when you walk into the gas station and everyone stares. It makes me think "Hey, maybe they're staring at you because you look f*****g beautiful with that hair color, not because you're a fat-a*s pig." I had a problem with that, I always thought people hated me because I was fat. I know it seems bad, teenage girls shouldn't feel this way. But in my heart, I knew it was true. It is, it absolutely is. I didn't have a tiny waist, or a flat tummy, or hip bones, or collar bones, or any of the other things I desired. Everywhere you go, you see thin girls. Magazines, the internet, even school, but I can't escape these things. They're everywhere! I swear, I log onto Tumblr and suddenly every post is a skinny girl, with collar bones, hip bones, thigh gaps, and thin waists. They call it thinspiration, I call it my addiction. 

             "Vanessa get in the damn car or both of you will be late!" My mom yelled, to no surprise since she often did.

 "I'm coming!!" I rolled my eyes, even though I knew she was in a whole different room and couldn't possibly see me. My mom got on my nerves. She had a way of pissing me off, without really doing anything at all. 

 "I'll be home soon, baby. Just 8 hours of misery and hell, then I'll be home to see you. Okay?" I said quietly, so my family wouldn't hear me creepily talking to my cat. They thought I was insane enough, I didn't wanna add cat talker to the list. Not that I really care, what my family thinks of me doesn't bother me. They pretty much just think of me as a hormonal teenager, who never comes out of her room or talks to anyone or even smiles, because I am a b***h. I have to admit, it bothers me that they don't think I actually have a problem with depression. Maybe they're right, maybe I'm not depressed, maybe I am just a hormonal b***h. 

               We pulled up to my school. "High school, the best years of our lives." I thought to myself. I loved that movie, Cyberbully. Emily Osment is such a talented actress, if only I could be as skinny as her. My mom handed me five bucks for lunch, little did she know I had a wallet full of five dollar bills from every other lunch the day before that. I walked through one of the four doors. The second I walked in I could feel everyone staring at me, like I was a freak. I am a freak. I walked to first period with a cup of coffee in my hand, and my phone in another. 

 "Ugh I hate mornings, thank god I hate Art first period." I say to Coach Moix. 

 "I'm taking that as a compliment." He replied, laughing. 

 "You should. It's not that I think your class is easy, just that it's a fun way to start the day."

 "Mhm." He replied, lifting his eyebrows the way he does when he gets annoyed. I'm pretty sure my teachers hated me, but that was the least of my worries. My day continued as usual. I acted as happy as I possibly could. Faking a smile, laughing, making jokes, doing everything humanly possible to hide the fact that I wanted to run home and commit suicide. 

                    I walked through the lunch room doors, to a huge room filled with tables and teenagers and plates topped with disgusting food. I sat down at the same table as I do every f*****g day, pulled out a book, and started to read.

 "You haven't ate lunch in like 2 months. Are you okay? You're not turning anorexic are you?" Maya said, breaking the fifteen minute long silence. I was paying attention to a petite girl sitting beside a cute guy. 

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Just not hungry today." I replied, nodding, and slowly turning focus back to her. 

 "Well today you are." She pulled my hand as she stood up, pulling me up with her. After we bought lunch, we sat down to eat. I started at my plastic plate filled with disturbing looking pizza, corn, and vegetables. I ate almost all of it, I knew if I didn't I'd get questioned again, and god knows I hate that. I told Maya I had to meet my Biology teacher to re-take a test. I walked across school to the only girls bathroom I knew wouldn't have girls using it. 
            I looked at my reflection in the mirror, my eyes began to tear, making my reflection harder to see. There was only one thing that little voice in my head would let me think about. One, three letter word, that had ruined my life.
               Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. 
                   I ran into the stall, sat down in front of the toilet, and closed my eyes. I could feel the blood pumping through my veins, rushing it's way into my heart. I stuck two fingers into my mouth, coughing, gagging, vomiting. It reeked of pepperoni. I released the stiffness of my body, leaning my back against the door, and breathed deeply. I felt dizzy. The kind of dizzy you feel when you wake up and realize you're late, so you jump right up and have to stop to get your sight back. Only, it doesn't last for just two second. But, I ignored this overwhelming feeling, and reached into my bag for a bottle of perfume. The bell rang. S**t. Any minute now, the bathroom will be filling up with stuck up teenage girls. I sat there, listening to the loud voices of boys, yelling at each other from across the hall. I stood up just as the door opened, revealing even louder sounds coming from the halls. I could heard three girls talking about me, not knowing I was in the stall. 
             Kill me now.

Author's Note

I would love to hear any criticism you have, please!