Blessed

so tomorrow i am turning 20 and i was ruminating on my past and this came out!!!

Me  : You are with me when i am down

        You warm me in your arms when its cold

God: You are my little girl no matter the seasons.

Me : When i accused you there you stood still,

       with out the slightest drift in your love or your smile

God: You are my little girl no matter if you go awry.

Me : You are there always

       even when i am miles away from you

God: You are my little girl no matter the farther.

Me : My false charges wont prevail

       nor the distance created by me

       You know that i'd come back to you for eternity

       cause you are eternal so is your love,peace and presence.

Me : I am glad that you are in my life,  

       that you have chosen me, 

       That you have made me your own!

God:You are my little girl no matter how old you grow.

 

Author's Note

Please feel free!Oh this convo is between me and god:)

Reviews

[Steven Cash]

awwww sweet!!

[anxia]

Thanks!

[Arash Y]

First of all, this is not a STORY, please for the love of God do not label your poems as "story"...
I like the feel of this piece and as a Christian I've felt it so many times since my rebirth 15 years ago...so beautiful
the problem here is that there's nothing in this piece that indicates there's a running conversation between you and God and the reader has to guess it
Using some indicators like a dash at the beginning of the lines or changing the font when you are the speaker would make it richer...

But overall this is nice and soul soothing

[Kate W]

Thank you for putting me straight Arash. I felt this was a father/daughter thing (as you can tell from my comment) - it's not that I don't connect with God because I do but the connection to my father is stronger; maybe its the physical being. I don't know. However, I agree with you - indicators would help :)

[Arash Y]

you're so welcome dear.in your poem you say that the person you're talking to is "eternal" and that's why I mistook it. Anyway, I stand by what I said about the beauty of the piece.

[Kate W]

Arash - You seem to have addressed your response as though I am the author whereas I, Kate W, am merely a reader and reviewer. I can see however, how my comments may have confused you to think I was the author. I shall be more careful in future. My apologies. :)

[Arash Y]

Yeah, total confusion...Now I can't stop laughing :DDDD...it happens sometimes

[anxia]

@ Arash i am really sorry ! when i started writing i wanted it to be a story but it turned out more like a poem.You are such a good reviewer.Thanks.

[Arash Y]

You're welcome dear

[Kate W]

A lovely sentiment.
Once a parent, always a parent. The worry never goes away and particularly in the eyes of our fathers, we will always remain their little girls.
Enjoy your day tomorrow :)

[anxia]

Kate thank you so much for reviewing,thats really nice of you:)
The repetition 'you are my little girl' is by God.