My Dreams

This is a poem (also a song) about how i feel my dreams are.Pretty please, it would mean the world to me if you guys suggest your precious suggestions to me.Thank you!!! I will be posting more soon.

I fly high, in the sky, my dreams

they shower as dew drops in the dawn,

as the rainfall on a cloudy dusk,

like the sunshine on a summer morn,

as the sweet breeze on a spring eve.

they roar like the thunderstorms,

strike like the lightning,

sparkle like the stars in the night,

dance like the rainbow,

my dreams in the sky, i fly high!!!

Author's Note

Don't ignore anything.what ever you think i should know ,pretty please tell me.thank you so much.

Reviews

[Chris]

As a song - it needs more feeling and draw.
As a poem - I was looking for more of you and emotional draw.

[quinfinn]

i found this piece to be quite a satisfying read and won't pick it apart but...... one small suggestion: drop the word "they" from the second line. it isn't needed, it's a double positive and makes the verse ever so slightly jumpy. other than that i think you have a very sweet and clever write here.

[anxia]

Thank you Quin for the helpful review :)
I think you got me wrong. By putting 'they' i mean my dreams come back to me as such and so... when i fly them high in the sky.So only the first line is about me flying my dreams while the rest is how i get them back :)Thank you once again.

[Sid]

Wow, this very well written with great descriptions. My dreams just became more important to me!...Great Write!!

[anxia]

Aw glad that they did, Sid. Thanks for your review :)

[Sid]

:)

[mandy]

good work, anxia. i really liked all the descriptive phrases. always keep your dreams. loved this one.

[anxia]

Aw thanks, Mandy :)

[Kushal]

That's a great piece. ^_^

However, I feel a bit of more detailing would have made this spectacular. Nonetheless it is highly praiseworthy. ^_^

[anxia]

Thanks, Kushal.
Haha, i agree but i wrote this in about 5 minutes so yeah:)

[Mia]

Your dreams sound like a wonderful place to be! I love the way you described it...I saw in my mind each line. Your words allow my imagination to work and that is a wonderful thing. This is great!

[anxia]

Thank you, Mia :)

[Michael Soul]

cool rely fine write!! fly hight and skim the clouds, dance on tip of Mountains,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> raze on site you're excited gaze in dreams maze.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> so flow the lightning on sweet haze of a spring night,
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> roar the thunder rigged ripples on passed static light.

[anxia]

Thank you, Michael. Wow, your lines are awesome. I like it:)

[Rhianne Ney]

I love the "expressiveness" of it
100/100

[Sirius King]

great descriptions, i really like this

[anxia]

Thank you!

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

positive imagery Anxia! Congratulations

[anxia]

Thank you,Vincent sir.