Time

This is the first poem I have ever written and I know it is not very good. I want to get better, so feedback is welcome! I hope you enjoy.

As the years pass by 

I look into time's eye 

and I wonder "why"?

Why must I age and change? 

Why can I not remain the same?

When I was young I never thought I'd need

to retreat from the one I've become.

Now I look at myself and I resist the urge 

to flee from me

I am weak, scared and barely prepared

for the adventure bared before me. 

Author's Note

This is the first poem I have ever written so please be understanding! If you have any advice or feedback for me it is greatly appreciated. Thank you! :)

Reviews

[747]

Your first stanza has an excellent rhyme scheme, but it doesn't hold throughout the piece.
Now, poetry doesn't have to have a rhyme scheme, but it often helps to keep your readers attention if it does.
Your last stanza is also quite excellent. It ties itself together and makes for a strong close.
However, it's the second stanza that loses me. Your concept is good, but the format in which it is presented hinders it's effectiveness.

Not bad though, and it is a very relatable poem. While change is not always bad, it is often kind of scary. You capture that quite well.

Great start! I'm sure as you continue to write, your poetry will get better and better!

[anonymous]

Thank you for the review! I understand what you mean when you say the format of the second stanza isn't very good. I will try to avoid making the same mistake in the future. Thanks again! :)

[Jamestown]

Wow! First write went really well, the questions asked are questions asked by
many, people will certainly relate. Good job! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed.

[anonymous]

Thank you! I appreciate the review. :)

[Frank]

suggestion: try 'prepared' instead of 'bared' in the last line. Just a thought.

If this is your first poem, I think you have made a good start.

[anonymous]

Thanks for the review! I chose "bared" because I had already used "prepared" in the line above and I did not want to be repetitive. :)

[Bear]

Bravo! This is a subject everyone relates to sooner or later, for a first poem I would say that you have a natural talent that many lack. You seem to understand what you are writing about and have no need to over polish what already has enough shine, which even I am guilty of :) thank you for sharing.

[anonymous]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

brutal confession of human weakness .. something men especially shrink from (no pun intended:) .. for a surfer, traveler and student i would take you for a bit of a risk taker .. facing and feeling our fears is not the same as running away paralyzed by them eh!? i like this "first" poem of yours .. easily relatable .. i hope you will keep writing .. and reading .. you can not help but become more astute ..
E.

[anonymous]

Thanks for the reviews and advice! :)

[....................]

Youth is full of being invincible; we understand risk but care not for consequence. It is also consumed with the moment As we age we become more introspective and when ageing is coupled with higher learning we become more cognizant of who we are and realize that we are changing. The crux for us is to accept that we change and to embrace where it will take us. Your fears are universal and it's good to question yourself.

As for the writing itself, I think you have done a marvellous job for your first poem. When we start writing we should just write; write our thoughts on paper without having to worry about form. Poetry should remain organic but you can begin to experiment with different forms, and there are many to choose from. The only piece of advice I can offer is to make each word and line count. Write only what you want to say and be concise so that you leave nothing behind to convolute what you are trying to say.

I enjoyed your pieces and look forward to reading more.

Cheers, FT

[anonymous]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reviewing. :)

[Cayley]

I really enjoyed reading this. Definitely a poem I can relate to.

[anonymous]

I'm glad you could relate! Thank you for the feedback! :)

[kawatters]

I quite liked this , especially the last line . It speaks to everyones fear of aging. but remember change can be good! keep up the great work

[anonymous]

Thank you for the review and the advice! Yes change can definitely be a good thing. :)