There you have me

:).. :( Not a poem,really.

I'll move on right after filling my empty stomach with shards of stale left overs, go into that dark room that isolates the sad pieces of me from the rest of my emotional being, there you have me, weak and at my knees, might you wanna take this as a chance to leave a mark, to scar me for eternity, to take away another hollow object from my chest, cause I used to be known as the owner of a thousand hearts and now I had this name taken away from me as all I was left this after the non-ending battle came to an end, was nothing, nothing at all.

And the battle hasn't ended, the hope that it will did.

And as far as I tried to escape reality it's gotten just as hard to escape my dreams, the easy way to the core of me, the honest, joyful, determined cells in me..

 

I try to fill a crystal ball in my hands up with anger in order to avoid you having to go through me, all over again, and my hands are swords in disguse, I am fighting, I am fighting everyday, daily.

Each day I wake up with the hopes that it's ended, yet I end up finding out that it's only coming back for more. More harm. More damage. More losses. 

 

I am nothing but a peaceful being, longing to have my own space. Longing to catch upon some serenity, some time, some nothingness, to clear the dusty mind I own, the dusty past of mine, to find me and myself at ease.

And it's nothing I wouldn't want to mention, because there you have me, weak and at my knees, yet standing up for all the enemies I made friends with, all the hatered I got love out of, all the puppets that controlled the strings attached to me, to my heart, to my soul that found no way out of my lifeless empty vessel, my body.

Because even after I got beaten up by the memories that I hate to approve are true, they still saw some reality within me, the deepest, darkest, sides of who I am.

And I know that you'll end up repelling any explanation I have to all of this, but believe me dear, it's infinitely as hard to me as it is for you. 

It's a slap to my face,

It's the gate that closed up my path,

It's all the flames that devoured the energy that ignited my soaring soul

It's all the years ahead of me that have already ended.

The last page of a book I never got to read..

It's the hurricane coming to demolish years worth of life that I was dying to construct.

Here you have me, down and on my knees, begging for mercy, begging for a break, begging for your comprehension, that not only was I mistaken, but oh how misunderstood was I, oh how neglected, oh how forgotten, oh how hurt and broken, and if you think I am doing this because of who you are, 

Then you could never have been more wrong, I went to places I should've never walked into, I went through days I should've never come across, and it may take you a lifetime to understand but please try to see the locked up spirit in me, that I was eternally trying to set free, 

Look at the suffocating bird, the weak winged butterfly, the miserable king that's trying to rule my life to the better, 

Look into my eyes, I was always as honest, as hard working as ever could be, and I'd still kill to see you laugh, 

But we walked down a smothering road we should've never come nearby, 

You left me with no choice right from the begining, I lost who I am, I lost who I am, I lost who I really am, I can't recognize my own self. I can't see any good in life any more.

The fear of losing you for good, is what's killing me most, but very very slowly, this will be for sure, the hardest time of my life, 

Everything, happened too quickly.

Author's Note

I've never written to impress.
Thanks for taking the time.