Chapter 13

One slow day at the garage, Roger pulled me aside. “Can I talk to you for a minute, Jim?”

I wiped the grease off my hands, nodded. I was alarmed, Roger talked to me frequently, but never began these casual conversation with “can I talk to you”. I follow him a few steps away from the shelter of the garage and he tells me that “Garrison” is retiring and he needs another man in the garage Monday through Friday. “How’s that sound? No pay raise, just more hours.”

I blink, “Oh, uhm, great, it sounds good--” except, “S**t,” The curse slips out before I can stop it but Roger just smiles, “I can’t do it, man.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

“My, my girlfriend has cancer, I gotta’ be around to take her to her appointments and stuff during the week. Sorry” I know we need the money, I know Olivia would want me to take anything I could get, but the idea of leaving her alone all week made me queasy. 

“Well Jesus, we can work around that.”

“Yea?” 

“Sure, just come in when you can, and if you can’t make it, we’ll have one of the ankle-biters fill in for you.” He jerks his thumb over his shoulder at Todd, Jason and Mikey, the three future highschool dropouts who are gathered in the corner.

I shook Roger’s hand then went back to work.

When I got home Olivia was standing in the kitchen in a dingy pink robe, poking holes in the cellophane covering a frozen dinner. 

“You should have waited, I would have made you dinner.”

“I don’t need you to make me dinner.” Her voice is icy cold, she makes a few more stab marks.

“This stuff’s barely food though, it’s not good for you.”

She opened the microwave, but there was already a frozen dinner sitting on the turn table. A moment passed as she stared at it, then she laughed, then laughter dissolved into tears and she let me gather her into my arms, where her forehead rested in the curve of my neck.

“I’m gonna’ die.” She sobbed against me.

“You’re not gonna’ die.” I say it firmly

“I am. I’m gonna’ die in this shithole little house. Because the cancer is rotting my brain.” She sobs. 

I kissed her forehead, “Your brain isn’t rotting, you’re just tired.” I kissed her again, “Go sit down.”

She went and sat at the table and drew her knees up and wiped her eyes sulkily. I threw away the dinner that was in the microwave because it looked like it had been in there for a few hours. I replaced it with the freshly stabbed one and got one out of the freezer for myself.

“I have news.” I said, stabbing my dinner.

“What?”

“Roger wants me to start working at the garage full time.”

“Oh, hey that’s great.” Her voice sounds far away.

“And he’s gonna’ let me take time off to take you to the doctor if I need to.” I set the steaming plastic tray on the table in front of her. She nodded, but she looked dazed. She ate most of the frozen dinner, even though she complained there was too much sauce and the meat was mushy.

When we had finished eating, I threw away the styrophoam trays and put our forks in the sink, “Honeymoon, fireman or piggy back?” 

She looked up at me, “Honeymoon.” I lift and cradle her and she wraps her arms around my neck. I cary her down the hall and put her in bed before I turn to leave.

“Where are you going?” She is propped up on one arm and her face is hard to see in the dark. 

“I have to brush my teeth.”

“Oh.” She leans back

Although it is only eight o’clock, I walk down the hall and brush my teeth. I return to the bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed for a moment to untie my boots before I laid down and wrapped an arm around her. I waited a half hour to make sure she was asleep, then crept off to watch very quiet television for a few hours