Rental Car

A metaphor/satire/whatever you please

They sit in droves; lines of colors, shapes, sizes, and styles to choose from.

Do you want sporty? Maybe a blue one?-Oh, this car looks like family material.

 

Some take it with spunk, loving all of the attention. Different places to go,

experiences to be had, and feet to push their wanting pedals.

Others gather dust, living in a solemn world, watching while the bright

are chosen. Rust, plain seats that pinch your back, failing air-conditioning,

they growl packs of dust brimming with black annoyance.

 

Then, there’s the last breed. They live the life of rentals with bitter-sweet

grill smiles. They aren’t sporty cars bought for a weekend of partying,

but sometimes they experience the same Fear and Loathing-style thrills.

 

The green car on the end is one. Look at their comfy seats, though not leather.

A small spoiler adds accessory, but there’s no sun roof. Their sound system is clean, but no subs shake the license plate on this car. Even though a welcome pear filled car-freshener permeates the atmosphere, it's not the same as new-car-clean scent.

 

Sometimes this car is given attention only because the renter has been severed

from their own. No matter what the cause, the nature-colored car provides

comfort, solace, and familiarity. Other times a careful eye will pluck it from

the pack, sit behind the seat, and find personality in cigarette burns, torn edges,

or even old floor mats that have failed to be cleaned well by lazy attendants.

 

However, even this person returns back to their own model or feet. They either

don’t think they can afford it, won’t give up their sports car with the $150

full coverage, or their eyes are hooked by the neon cars flashing around town.

 

Green cars were once said to be picked by geniuses. This one lies

in wait, the same bright-eye-window gleam welcoming all passengers,

though not with fully open doors. A polite goodnight and return to the lot

is sensed by all. They leave without a passing glance, but one day, a

new breed of driver will come. They will break the mold, seeing the value

in the car. Maybe at an auction, maybe after their old relationship is totaled.

Who knows, will it will be you?

Author's Note

An extended metaphor between rental cars and people. I know I need to rework this a bit, add in more touches of imagery, but what do you think for the first go round? I know the lines are rather long. I made myself do that on purpose. Does it work? I wanted to try something new. The last line is supposed to be super short for emphasis. Do you like this?

Oh, and the metaphor is supposed to be between the way people treat rental cars and potential dates/lovers. Also the attitude these "rentals" have about how they are treated.

Reviews

[Sara]

lol, i don't think i know enough about cars to review this (i had to google 'subs' and 'spoilers' :D)

interesting piece and, as the others have said, unusual metaphor... there are spots that could use a touch up, though... i’m pretty sure ‘pear filled’ should be ‘pear-filled’ since the two words are serving as a single adjective before the noun car-freshener… another one that stands out for me is the phrase 'they growl packs of dust brimming with black annoyance' -- that's a tad confusing there (are the packs of dust brimming with black annoyance or are the *cars* brimming with black annoyance? perhaps you need to add a comma to separate it into two distinct thoughts, i.e.: '...they growl packs of dust, brimming with black annoyance.' i think with the comma, it sounds more like the cars are doing the whole ‘brimming with black annoyance’-thing, which makes sense since that’s what you’re personifying in the story... annnnd i’ve completely overanalyzed here lol). i also think you should replace 'dust' with another word since you used it in the previous sentence. you probably could be a little more varied with your word choice there, especially since they're in the same paragraph. the repetition of 'dust' so close together just sounds awkward to me when i read it aloud... i really like all the little details you incorporated throughout the piece – as the crux of the story goes, i think you have quite the flair for finding personality and uniqueness in the mundane, everyday aspects that make up our cars. you definitely brought the different cars alive, defined them each... your writing style is very smooth and accessible and i like the unusual turns-of-phrase where your voice really shines through (‘bittersweet grill smiles’, ‘fear and loathing-style thrills’)... i too tend to read personality into cars (i have a green vw beetle, cricket, who’s too cute for his own good :D), so taking that idea, exploring it, extending it out into a well-written metaphor about dating and relationships is very cool... like you’re just taking the idea to the next step or something... :)

[Carlie]

I love the metaphor where you relate the cars to people. Before I read your author's note I kept thinking how well this could really relate to so many experiences in life. I love that the last stanza provides a small piece of hope for the reader to take with them at the conclusion of the poem. "They leave without a passing glance, but one day, a new breed of driver will come. They will break the mold, seeing the value in the car."
Then the next line I think really ties the two subjects of your metaphor together. "Maybe at an auction, maybe after their old relationship is totaled."
Last but not least, I really like the last line. "Who knows, will it be you?" Not only does it create emphasis but it makes this poem much more personal for the reader.
I liked it!

[Mr. Waldo]

I personally like rental cars. Aside from that i am curious as to how you view yourself in this piece. Do you see yourself as the lonely green rental or the renter looking for your piece of personality?

[Ryan Falzon - Tymon]

It's a great piece of work, and yes, some people do treat others like rental cars. A great and real metaphor, which unfortunately, is true way too often. I feel pity over the green car, the car that's family friendly, and guarantees a safe ride is often the car overlooked simply because it isn't as fun as the other cars.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

To each his own, that includes with love... we all have something that draws another... many won't see it but one special one will... a creatively metaphoric piece. Much enjoyed... love the message.

[TTBoy28]

What a wonderful metaphor you have created! All about image and keeping up. Just the thought of renting something so that you can abuse it any way you want - with extra coverage, of course, is the way one saves and the other gains. I have even witnessed inviduals who remove the rental key chain and replace it with their own. Such a brief relationship of bliss! You've tried a different style and it has worked for you. At least, I think it has.