Images of What You Do

Experimenting

Electric currents strike through the

zapper, a moth catches that momentary

             glimpse, and she has to go.

She can’t resist the touch, the sensation,

knowing the unnatural fire will

             burn her wings,

                  crack her lungs,

                        burst her eyes,

and leave her in a pile of her own ashes.

 

It’s like the person with sticky fingers…

they just can’t resist something so far

out of their price range. The sign says $299.99,

but you know it can be “bought” for free.

 

The ring around your lip is a saucer

            I would like to drink from…

I try not to stare at it like

            a dehydrated sponge full of holes…

 

It’s like my cat’s eyes watching

my food and waiting until I head

for the toilet, then pouncing on soft

paws, tasting what she knows isn’t hers

even though she loves me.

 

You gently touch my shoulder as you

pass and speak with me, not knowing

that you are as tempting as a tree on

the top of a mountain during a lightning storm.

Your branches keep reaching, tickling the clouds

but I hear the thunder and subdue the static

before it reaches out too far.

Author's Note

I'm not normally one to write about feelings concerning romantic relationships...but I decided to vent it out. I found myself in a situation where I was attracted to someone I couldn't pursue. I also wanted to play with using a bunch of random thoughts to convey a similar message. New forms are always good to work with.

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

Such eclectic presentation from a broad and diverse range of source and the relationships of imagery, is way too cool. This is an experiment, that works! It's like a beat poem, that mixes with a prose flow of corrilations. That bubble up from between. To tease us. Although it painted a somewhat different view, for me. As I'd read the Authors note afterward. I have to agree, quote: New forms are always good to work with.
This was a unique read, that was savoured...
Write On / Right On! Romon...

[Tony]

Really enjoyed your use of contemporary language throughout the poem.
Last stanza is a gem the standout lines for me are: "you are as tempting as a tree on/ the top of a mountain during a lightning storm"-- that is just fantastic!
Oh yes, your use of enjambment kept the pace of the poem flowing nicely.

Makosica

[Ruth]

The yearning is a vivid point to this work :)
A beautiofully related story almost in a poem, well written :)
The imagery you have used to portray that feeling of attraction for something we probably could not have is awesome!
Reels the reader in and devours their senses!
Great poem
xx

[Wicahpi]

this was an interesting read.
thank you for entering the contest!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Love is so mysterious and often we are drawn to those we feel are also bad for us... a true phenomenon... I really flipped over your metaphorical portrayals of such emotions.

[deeps]

This is quite the powerful write here. I enjoyed this alot.

[TTBoy28]

insatiable physical attraction...I love what you did with this write! That's the way love goes. "...dehydrated sponge full of holes..." classic!

[mcg03002]

Sweeney,
The first stanza is fantastic. I didn’t realize how much I liked it until my second read-through (after I looked at your author’s notes). Most people have had the experience of being drawn toward someone like a “moth to a flame,” as the saying goes. You expounded upon that familiar imagery by adding a more modern and familiar twist…the electric bug zapper. You also did a great job of furthering the analogy by focusing on what happens to the misguided insect that reaches its goal (the flame or the electric element, as the case may be). I remember reading somewhere that some scientists theorize that nocturnal creatures like moths, gnats, june bugs, etc. are genetically programmed to navigate using the moon. Artificial light sources like candles or U.V. zappers fool their senses and guide them to their doom. This description reminds me of the sirens in the Odyssey. We can so easily be enticed into a relationship that can’t possibly end in anything but ruin…because our hearts are easily led astray by beauty, intellect, and charm. The practical side of a person is often too weak to resist the passionate one.
Your poem speaks very allegorically about temptation and how difficult it is to resist. The moth pursuing an unnatural fire, the kleptomaniac with the sticky fingers, the cunning cat, and the mindless sponge… all are perfect representations of the essence of near irresistible desire. And yet, in the first stanza, the moth knows she has to go. I assume she wasn’t annihilated. In the last stanza, the subject of the poem apparently managed to avoid destruction. I love this split that you have created. To me it says “It can be done, all life finds it difficult to do, but it can be done. Each being is the master of its own fate.”
That being said…who is the forbidden love? Don’t you think that, sometimes, the risk of pain…or being reduced to a smoldering pile of ashes is worth the chance to really live? I tend to let the lightning strike and deal with the fall out later…all for the sake of the experience. At least, that’s the case when it comes to love. Considering the tattered state of my heart, however, I have to wonder if it wouldn’t behoove me to learn to subdue the static from time to time!
I love your stuff. A pleasure to read, as always.
Matt

[Dutch Jr.]

Beautiful imagery in this poem, interesting format, and I love reading romantic poems and prose. Like to read more of it from you.

[Sara]

yeah, i pretty much agree with devons... though the 'moth to the flame' analogy can be a bit trite sometimes, i think your poem is well-written enough to pull it off... plus, your other comparisons are original enough to make up for it anyway (the cat one = lol)... i especially like the last stanza, it kind of simmers with this (your) repressed intensity, like at any moment everything could just boil over...