Malignant Beauty

Written in May 2008... Wow I really want a cigarette.

The first deep breath in months

And the feeling of homecoming

enters your bones. As the black acid

travels down your throat,

your mind clears and your body floats.

Your lungs once more

Line themselves with the

Carcinogenic tar as you lick your lips

Savoring the taste.

You hold your breath,

Trying to hold off the release,

You don’t want this moment

Of bliss and ecstasy to end,

But sooner rather than later

You have to breath,

And you reluctantly release

The sweet poison in a cloud

Of spinning, twisting smoke.

Your lungs constrict,

And your pupils contract,

As you hurriedly take another drag.

You don’t want to waste one moment,

You want to make this f*g last.

Reviews

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

Brought me back to the week when i smoked.... such a good week it was lol.... You really captured the feeling of taking a drag especially when you're stressed beyond the max... You used some amazing images in this piece which made the poem great... It reminds me of a passage from "The Realm of possibility" by David Levithan. In the book two boys make a ritual of smoking just one cigarette.... This really is a great poem with a solid flow.... Great Job!

[Brandon]

wow, the words of a tar junkie, so inspiring. This poem reminds me of my coffee habbit. To each his own. Well written peice.
Cheers,
Brandon

[Linis Arizen]

I'm not smoker but I can understand everything said in this so well.
Beautiful job as always love -hugs-

[~angelalala~]

i am blown away. i never knew smoking a cigarette could be so beautiful and enchanting. the way you've described it, like you were describing an old love, is wonderful & creative. we all have our addictions. great write

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Again, this is not a clerihew. Please read the rules for this form and submit up to three clerihews.

Sal

[Brette Medb]

Hmm I can completely relate to this, especially now that once again being around the majority of my friends and they all smoke even though I quit. No matter how long you go you always want that feeling once again. Great write.

Brette

[Irfan Shah]

I like the way you have depicted the whole scenario. The choice of words is very nice but you may be able to improve it further even to make it a magnificent piece of writing. Otherwise its fine in the current form too. Also, removing the full stops 'might be' better. All the best and thanks for sharing

[Dan Bullock]

It's an amazing way to describe that, so it doesn't condon or concur with the thought of smoking. I never have, but I'm slightly intoxicated just by reading this...ha! What is it that makes smoking so sensual almost? Addiction has affected me, but only with gambling.

[Robert Luna]

Mmmm. I am now going to go enjoy a little bit of my slow death after finishing this review.

I loved how you described the act of smoking so perfectly and I think you captured the feeling of the enjoyment wonderfully and I loved the flow as I wanted to inhale and exhale the flavor of your words. I deeply loved this and it will be going into my favorites.

Great Job!!!!

Now I'm going to go smoke

[Ralphy]

What a depiction of addiction�not a play on words but this piece really filled the lungs with a catch and release. You capturing words, tell the tale that so many do and you tell it beautifully. I really like this piece.

You have to breath,
And you reluctantly release
The sweet poison in a cloud
Of spinning, twisting smoke.
Your lungs constrict,
And your pupils contract,
As you hurriedly take another drag.
You don't want to waste one moment,
You want to make this f*g last.

Yes, well written.
I think the next to last word should be drag.

I liked how you were able to describe the ecstatic feel of smoking while reminding the reader of its toxic properties. (I smoke half a pack a day). Well conveyed message.

Just a few things to tweak and make it perfect.

Line themselves with the
Carcinogenic tar as you lick your lips

to

Line themselves with
Carcinogenic tar as you lick your lips

You hold your breathe,

should be

You hold your breath,

and

You have to breath,

should be

You have to breathe,

Of spinning, twisting smoke.

could be

Of spinning, twirling smoke.

...

It would be nice to add a line or two with regards to describing the smoke, relating it to the ecstasy felt during the release (an orgasmic nicotine release), make it a nice land from a ride perhaps. Whichever fits your mood in describing.

Besides all the stuff I wrote.

Great form, wonderful choice of words, well painted imagery. Well imparted message (very well imparted, in fact).

This is a very good piece.