Snow White and Bitter Chocolate

Written in April 2008... I'm not sure how I feel about this one... suggestions are appreciated.

 Two little girls used to play,

They were inseparable,

And loved one another

More than life itself.

One was Ying, and one was Yang.

One would shy away

While the other would blow up in your face.

One was self-conscious,

While the other loved herself

Enough for the both of them.

 

One was a mix of dark chocolate and cream,

Skin so white it reflected light

And hair and eyes that were as dark as night.

Her voice was velvet and smooth,

Enticing even before she knew

What she could do.

But she was aloof,

And set herself away from the world,

She was quiet, but good,

And blended into the shadows

With every word she didn’t speak.

 

The other was as light and white as snow,

In looks at least, not soul.

They called her Snow White.

Her bright blue eyes,

And naturally blushed cheeks,

Hid a meanness and hate that

Could burn a person’s skin off.

She was nasty and loud,

But she also knew how to play a crowd

And as a result,

People forgot the things she would do,

 

But the one loved the other,

And they ignored each other’s fault.

And together they made one

Whole and healthy child.

 

But after a few years something changed.

There was no fight, not physical at least,

Perhaps it was just a matter of coming of age

Priorities changed, one focused on school

One focused on sex.

One babysat on the weekends,

One got high in the backseat of a stranger's truck.

Snow White got real dirty,

And our bitter dark chocolate

Retreated even more.

 

People began to notice Snow White’s fall.

Friend’s stop forgiving her all her missteps,

Teachers stopped giving her the benefit of the doubt,

Parents stopped asking her to watch their kids.

They whispered as she walked past,

“What happened? She was such a sweet girl”

The other started to win awards,

Created beautiful art,

And sang like a mockingbird,

But all she got was a distracted

“That’s nice dear…” before they would

go back to their beloved Snow White.

 

It didn’t take long before Snow White

Took a bite of one poison apple to many,

And then even true love’s kiss

Couldn’t wake her now.

The funeral was full of all their old friends,

Everyone who had spent the past

Ten years talking s**t about Snow White

While secretly worshiping her.

Now they chose to forget her fall,

And pretended it all didn’t happen.

They never even noticed

As the quiet bitter chocolate walked up to the coffin

And laid down her bouquet,

No one heard her whispered words

“Even after all this time,

and everything you did

they still loved you best…”

Reviews

[Ralphy]

This is an exceptional piece. The two girls could be twins with their opposite ways. I like the way the description and the introduction as it focuses on their character. The good/bad scenario is easy to relate too, and how that people tend to love the bad over the good.
The flip/flop of character seem brilliant as that too is easy to see and easy to relate too. However, the best part was the ending that I never expected. It had me flabbergasted with disbelieve that chocolate craved the same loving as much as snow-white received.

Excellent write

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This makes me feel sad..you caught the two personalities perfectly.
Friendship and love take so much work and it has to go both ways..
This one seems to have only gone one .. i enjoyed this .

Chloe
xoxo

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

This is a good piece to me... it's truly a great portrayal of two different girls and the differences in them... I really like it yet it didn't seem to flow right to me... but thats my opinion so take it or leave it lol... for your poetry is yours and not mine lol.... Great job!

[Forest Green]

Excellent play on the differences between two individuals and how their acquaintances prefer one over the other...no matter what.

This does play out sadly in nearly every family and societal setting. One never living up to what they want while the other never seems to have an issue gaining acceptance...no matter what...

Good work.

Daniel

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This is sooooo freaking amazing. I don't think I can even try to do justice in trying to describe what it means to me. It really hits so far freaking home....I love you for writing this. Thank you.

Who and healthy child. ---- Did you mean whole?

[Robert Luna]

Very powerful written and what a wonderful treat to read. I loved the story and the use of yin and yang. I strongly believe in the balance they represent in life and nature. You have once again give us something to ponder about as he story play in our mind's eye with a clarity that is vivid and alluring to imagine.


Great jOb!!!!!!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Interesting piece, I enjoyed the read.


Great Write. Nicely done.

[Nicole Renee]

I agree with Ralphy, I thought this was a very creative poem here! :] I liked how it showed a time line of what was going on and how Snow White was really feeling like there was nothing else she could do to help herself. Thanks for sending this my way!

-Nicole

[[untitled]]

wow this is a great poem. It's creative. I would never even thought to have written something like this. Great piecce

[Sarah]

Wow, what a story! I love how you incorporated the fairytale of Snow White to modern day and gave it a twist! The ending was tragic, but I adored the dialogue at the end. I think it wrapped up the moral of the poem quite well. This was definitely worth reading, great job!!!!