Court of Appeals

November 2014

Security Officer: Will both parties raise your right hands? Be seated.

Judge: Okay, Meagan Williams you are accusing Andrew Clement for rape at his fraternity’s Halloween party at Arizona State University, would you please tell your side of the story?

Meagan: Well, 5 weeks ago I went to Alpha Omega’s Halloween party.  I went by myself and I was planning on having my roommate come and pick me up later that night.  I was having a great time and Andrew offered me a drink.  The drink had roofies in it, and the next thing I know I woke up on the bathroom floor with my clothes missing.  Andrew raped me.  I know because he was bragging to all of his friends about having sex with me, but there’s no way I agreed to doing that.  I hadn’t had sex before this, and I had only met Andrew once before the party.  It was completely embarrassing, and everyone is talking about it so I keep reliving the experience.  I feel so degraded.

Prosecuting attorney:  This fraternity is obviously very reckless and their morale is questionable.  Here I have a video is the fraternity chanting “No means yes, yes means anal”  *Shows video* nothing further your honor.

Defending attorney:  This is a classic, clever frat boy chant. They’re young and they haven’t refined their senses of humor yet.  Immaturity is not a crime.  Also, they have the freedom of speech, so technically no one can take away their right to shout obscene things.  The fraternity should not be blamed for this.

Judge:  Meagan, are you sure that you’re not just upset about losing your virginity?  You’ll get another one.  We have witnesses saying that you were flirting with multiple guys and you even gave one of them your number.  Think about this, if one of them would have called you the next day would we be here right now?  Sweetie, boys will be boys.  You cannot expect them to care about you and respect you at this age. Anyways, it’s obvious that you were being promiscuous.  Now you’re going to play the virgin queen and cry rape and take the chance of jeopardizing these college boys promising futures?  Do you even know the purpose of fraternities?  These boys are in fraternities for charity and to help out the community! They’re getting more opportunities and building leadership skills. They’re philanthropists!  Philanthropists do not rape.  Andrew is a good person, and he was probably just trying to… well… fulfill your needs, to put it simply.

Prosecuting attorney:  My client had never had sexual intercourse before this incident; I doubt she was looking to get her needs fulfilled at a frat party.  She’s an honors student.  Her “needs” are not at this party.  She was just trying to have a little fun.

Defense attorney: Meagan, you shouldn’t have put yourself in the position.  In this bag of evidence we have your clothes from the night of the alleged rape and the skirt you were wearing was 4 and a half inches above your knee.  That extra half-inch is a little bit suggestive.  Also, being that you wore normal clothes, you weren’t dressed for the theme of the party.  It was a Halloween party!  If you would have been dressed like a s****y cop or a s****y nurse, you wouldn’t have stood out so much.  It’s obvious that you just wanted attention.  As you do now.   With that extra half inch, you were probably asking for it.  You made it way too easy.  They put drugs in the drink they offered you?  Since you were out of sorts, you probably told them you wanted to have sex but you didn’t remember.  What are you doing accepting a drink anyways?  You’re only 19, and drinking when you’re 19 is illegal.  And don’t you know better than to take a drink from a random guy. You were being irresponsible and we cannot help you for that. What were you doing not having a friend with you to be responsible for you if you were going to drink?  Haven’t you heard of the buddy system?  I cannot believe how careless this generation of party girls is.  Didn’t your mother teach you any better?

Meagan:  Well, I…

Judge:  Nothing further from you Meagan.  Andrew we’d like to hear your side of the story.

Andrew:  Well sorry bro, I’m still a little twisted from last night.

Judge:  At least you showed up this time, Andrew.

Andrew:  Yeah, well I totally hooked up with Meagan.  She wanted it too.  She was too drunk to say no, probably because of that roofie, so how was I supposed to know?  Sorry, I don’t really care about her feelings.  Caring about women is so not frat.  See, I’m an Alpha Omega.  It means I don’t give a f**k, I’m from Alpha Omega.  Did I already say that?  Sorry my dude, it’s the alcohol talking.  And maybe something else, I can’t really remember.  My blood is like 100 proof.  I funneled so many four lokos last night, it was awesome.  What were we talking about?  Oh yeah, Morgan.  That’s her name, right?

Judge:  Meagan, Andrew.  Her name’s Meagan.

Andrew:  Oh yeah, Meagan.  She totally wanted it.  I mean, look at me.  How could she not?  She practically fell all over me.  Actually, she did fall all over me.  She threw up on me too.  It was like totally gross, and I even had to get new Sperry’s, which is totally cool because I’m rich as hell.  Whatever though, my dad probably owns your dad so I can’t get in trouble anyways.  I gotta keep my brotherhood alive.  How would I do that from behind bars?  That reminds me, I gotta get outta here.  The club goes up on Tuesdays. 

Judge:  That’s touching Andrew, really.  Your hard work and dedication to your fraternity will pay off in the future.  That is, once you’ve paid off all of your parking tickets and MIP’s we have on record here.  I don’t think you’ll have to worry about being behind bars because we’re letting you off with a warning.  Now, go sober up and try to stay out of trouble.  As for you Meagan, don’t go to any more parties, they’re just not for you.  Go read a book on how to get another virginity.  Case closed.