like real estate.

Do you remember?

Not too long ago.

That humid summer night,

Your skin against mine.

 

Up on that grassy hill,

In your bronze arms, baby,

As the kaleidoscope of fireworks bursted,

In front of that starry night sky.

 

I could think of you now for hours,

I could obsess of that night forever,

But I won't, can't spoil the memories.

 

Waking up in your arms,

In the early morning sun

was more than I could've ever asked for.

 

Like real estate,

Could've put up a sold sign,

Honey, I was yours.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Mariah]

I think that's really creative, and I love it. I can't think of anything unkind to say about this poem. I like the formatting, the word choice, and especially those last three lines. :)

In fact, I'm going to add it to my library.

[Adam Chambers]

Like real estate,

Could've put up a sold sign,

Honey, I was yours.

OK, THAT PART IS GORGEOUS! AND PERFECT CHOICE FOR THE TITLE; THAT GIVES YOU A LOT TO WORK WITH HERE; I'M JUST GOING TO MAKE A FEW SUGGESTIONS...

Do you remember not too long ago that
humid
summer night your skin against mine up
on that grassy hill in your bronze arms
baby? That kaleidoscope

of fireworks that burst against the stars makes me
think of you now for hours but I
won't in order not to tarnish the memories

Waking up in bronze arms
in the early morning sun was more
than I could've asked for, like
REAL ESTATE you
could've put up a sold sign honey
I was
yours.

JUST A POSSIBLE REWRITE SUGGESTION AS FAR AS SEEING HOW VISUAL STRUCTURE, LINE BREAKS, PUNCTUATION, ETC., AND MAYBE SOME SUBTLE WORD CHANGES CAN MAKE IT SHINE...
HOPE THIS HELPS....
ADAM