An Unconventional Love

I love you, but I’m not your possession,

Nor you are mine.

My love is untamed, wild and pure.

I don’t seek your attention,

Just want you to know that I’m there.

My soul is free, free to love, free to care,

So is your heart.

I don’t seek commitment,

I don’t want to be a burden,

Commitments end in heartbreak,

But never true love.

I don’t seek affection,

Because, I don’t own your heart,

I don’t even want to.

Just want you to be the person you are,

The energy of love flows,

I don’t try to tame it,

My feelings, I can’t hide.

I’ve fallen in love many times,

I guess you’ve too,

So, there’s no need to hide,

What you feel inside.

 

Author's Note

I wrote it lately... I've not yet edited it, so, I'd like you all to suggest the changes. (I'm not too good in editing stuff.) Please, be honest!

Reviews

[serpent]

you are way more than a 15 years old when it comes to poetry...
the write nicely touches almost all the corners or love, committment and what follows these two. as a write it is beautiful..however this feeling a bit too good to be true... but no denying that there are people who can actually feel this way..maybe you are one of them..i dont know...

[Sasha]

I like the lines commitments end in heartbreak never true love.
tell me something though, is this what you really want?? because it takes alot to want that kind of love.

[Alicia™]

Awesome, as usual. I think you should break it into maybe 3 - 4 stanzas. For example, "the energy of love flows' and onwards should be a different stanza, in my opinion.

"Nor you are mine" should be 'are you'...

[Marina]

I love that you wrote this, I have attempted to but could never quite get the words right, this is well written and I enjoyed reading it very much. well done :)

[Britt Foster]

Very nice piece of poetry right here.
I agree with what the people who have commented below me have said -- it feels really real and I like how its about love, but not the typical "I give you my heart, be careful with it" sort of love. It seems to me like its more of just...a strong love based only on being in love with the other person's personality, not their body. Hence the part about not needing commitment or affection.

Overall, I love this.

As for suggestions, I would suggest evening out the syllables in each line a bit more. Parts of it seem a bit choppy.

I think you could benefit from adding a bit of a rhyme in the beginning too, since the piece closes with a rhyme. Maybe something like:
I love you, I do,
but I'm not your possession.
And neither are you mine.

I don't know, just my opinion. But of course, this is quite amazing as it is already. ^^
Keep up the excellent work!

[ALifeAquatic]

Thank you for entering this in, "Be Experimental," I love that you take, "love," and turn the concept on it's head. I also love how the speaker isn't really talking to, but more talking at the other person in this relationship. That really makes it feel real, because a lot of the time in a relationship the communication can be one sided.

Great read overall!

AHouseOfChambers

[Marlena]

I don't see much to edit, really. Grammar wise I think it's pretty good, and I like the repetitiveness of it, it really gets your point across. It's definitely another way of looking at love, I think- great work!