By the Tree

Every day, I wear my mask

Hoping for someone to pay attention to me

But for winters and springs

I would wait by the tree

No one to notice

While they’re passing by

 

You were the first to notice me

You came up to me

And took my mask off

Picked me up and danced with me

Oh, I wish that the moment

Would be forever

But you walked away

 

I would wait for days

For you to come back

But I realized

That the moment was

Too good to be true

 

For once, my heart was open

For once, my heart felt something

But the moment was too short

So, I started to grew cold

While I wait for you to come back

With the memories that I hold so dear

I put my mask back on

While the people pass by

       

There would be people that

Would sit down and talk to me

But it wasn’t like the way

It was with you

 

Please come back

Please come back

I want to be close to you

Just like the time you came

You opened up the real me

I was able to be myself

I don’t have to show

Somebody that I’m not

 

You were the first to notice me

You came up to me

And took my mask off

Picked me up and danced with me

Oh, I wish that the moment

Would be forever

But you walked away

 

For once, my heart was open

For once, my heart felt something

But the moment was too short

So, I started to grew cold

While I wait for you to come back

With the memories that I hold so dear

I put my mask back on

While the people pass by

 

Can't you consider

Coming back

Coming back, to me

Author's Note

what do you think?

Reviews

[Monica-Antoinetta-Magda..]

this is so honest and true, I'm starting to really enjoy your work! I particularly enjoyed: "You were the first to notice me/You came up to me/And took my mask off/Picked me up and danced with me" I think that lines like that really give a powerful insight into the emotion of the subject of the poem. great job, keep it up! (:

[∠( ᐛ 」..]

This is really good. I like how you spread your emotions.

[Tai Ryens]

In my opinion, which may not be knowledgeable at all; is that you could perhaps rephrase many things here. The emphasis you placed on the ending seems like it could be moved, so instead of repeating "can't you consider," you could repeat, "coming back." Another point, many things here could have been replaced by a syllable, meaning that multiple parts of this poem could have been made shorter. For instance, instead of saying "winters and springs," in the beginning, I would have replaced that with "seasons."
Just a thought, anyways. And you used the wrong tense of "grew" in one of the stanza's.

Great job, despite your flaws. You're getting better though! Keep it up!

[Persona]

Maybe "while I waited"
I think this was great and told a real story too. Gorgeous title and definitely lyrical too. You could make a song version! (No one seems to do many on writerscafe - so it'd stand out a bit more)!
I agree with allie_arrowz because her ending to it would wrap the whole thing up in the most wonderful way.
It was a good poem and you didn't try too hard. It sounded completely genuine.

[SeventhSin]

Looooove this!!! Awesome job :)

[allie_arrowz]

i think instead of repeating 'cant you consider'
you should repeat 'coming back'
but say 'coming back, to me'
just a thought.

[Remember Courage]

Wow. That was a fantastic poem. You really described a hard emotion. I especially like the whole mask thing that was really a great thing to add. I also like how your waiting for the person, but they don't come back. This was Fantastic and I am out standed by how good it was. I love this piece. Well done.
-Courage

[Owlgirl]

Wow, I love the emotion and truth you put into this. For a while I lost myself to a mask, though now I'm trying to keep it off ;) I love this. AMAZING.

[Fragilebrokendreams]

Oh its so beautiful. Raw with emotion, filled with pain, sadness, and mysterious tears. The story it tells is just so. Wonderfully done!

[Soulfulbubbles]

I like it, I relate to it, when I was growing up I had to wear a mask to survive to keep the true self alive. but now ya cant pay me to wear one.
always myself.