Disdainful Lie

when the truth doesn't come easy

I feel... lost,

broken in a weird sort of way

torn between options

of lives that I could easily live.

 

On one side there's normality

or the closest thing to it.

a social life

friends always around

sport games and flirtatious boys

a life of school fun.

 

Then there's my freaks

my circle of trust

always standing out

a crowd of our own.

None of us the same

but all of us family

bonding in the weirdest ways

always being ourselves.

 

Or so most of us do...

 

Optimistic, pessimistic

Kind, satanic

Quiet, loud

Nerd, freak.

whatever side i'm on,

no one gets the real picture

i never am myself

at least not truly.

 

I tried one day in my cirque du freaks

to give a compliment to one of my friends

something common on the other side

that I knew made people feel good.

 

I just wanted to make them smile.

 

When I said she was pretty

she gave me a look

one eyebrow raised

and asked who'd put me up to it.

 

I said nothing

others around saying it must've been a dare

laughing it off,

they forgot

not knowing I still stood

hurt from the words

not knowing the true meaning

not knowing my other side.

 

When I look to the latter,

the more normal of the two,

I see laughter and friends

many friends

more than I thought I could ever be able to have.

I saw a side where I could be loved

have a relationship

and could be my other self happily.

But what if I slip?

say one unusual phrase?

I would never be able to return

to my sweeter form of life.

 

Split between two

sepparate personalities

the cliche dark and light

takes part in these masks.

 

And what about me?

The truth lying beneath?

Lord only knows,

because I'm too worried

about two false fronts.

 

But one thing is certain

about that clandestine truth

it's too cowardly to come out

too fearful of the world

too shy in its innocence

to break away from the sturdy status quo.

 

How pathetic is that?

Author's Note

Mmm, yeah, it's about me and how I really feel... it's kinda raw because of that... comments?

Reviews

[Lastica-chan]

I think that's a good insight. I don't say this, but I notice that other side you could be on. With him and all of the others, so I'm thankful you chose us^^
We love ya Sam☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆