I remember, when I wrote this.. it was in one go and have retained it 'raw and unedited' in it's original form. I have tried to keep it simple in words and delicate in touch, for a 'child' is always uncomplicated in thoughts, simple in appearance and brims brightly full of innocence, just the same I intended to reflect in the write.
Happy reading and hope it takes you on a trip down your childhood. Please do share your thoughts. Thanks in advance!
My Review
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sweet write. yes, it definitely brings back fond memories. Aaah to be young again! probably the happiest phase of life.
I'd like to point out a few mishaps, if you don't mind.
can we really say: chocolate tastes my lips? perhaps "touch"? also, you used taste twice. maybe it was intentional. I may be wrong on this one.
throw up my hands in THE air?
can we say: eyes numb? just wondering.
that's it. beautiful write.
Thanks a lot, woody for the valuable comments. Appreciate it :)
You are right, I have used th.. read moreThanks a lot, woody for the valuable comments. Appreciate it :)
You are right, I have used the "taste" twice, I need to refine this part of the write a bit.
throw up my hands in THE air? : I'm not sure here if you are pointing out the use of 'the' ?
And, yes "eyes are numb" - i intended to word it this way.
Thanks so much, woody.. for spending your time and sharing your insights, buddy!
8 Years Ago
no problem my friend. yes I feel the definite article is necessary there, unless the syllable count .. read moreno problem my friend. yes I feel the definite article is necessary there, unless the syllable count forced you to drop it.
8 Years Ago
you got a great eye, woody!
That's a definite mishap.
I 'll re-edit the poem with 'th.. read moreyou got a great eye, woody!
That's a definite mishap.
I 'll re-edit the poem with 'the' there.
[pitfalls of not editing before :D]
Thanks so much :)
A lovely poem singing about the days of youth.
We live them with all our being, and long for them everyday as we get older.
We never really do forget the sights, the sounds and the tastes of our youth. They remain imprinted inside us for the rest of our lives.
A very nostalgic piece, Abhilash. Nicely written.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you, Doodley. I'm glad to know you liked it!
Yes, it's a nostalgic piece of write, dear.. read moreThank you, Doodley. I'm glad to know you liked it!
Yes, it's a nostalgic piece of write, dear to my heart :)
Childhood are the best times and are the times that never come back.
At best, we only can savor the memories and keep them very alive in ourselves...
i love this...and mostly because i still have that little kid inside me at 65---i am still tripping, love chocolate and remember many things from that childhood...never want to lose it.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Glad to know, you have kept the kid alive :D
Thanks Jacob, for visiting this write and sharin.. read moreGlad to know, you have kept the kid alive :D
Thanks Jacob, for visiting this write and sharing your thoughts on this one.
Loved this so much...there is a certain bird I hear sing every summer and it all comes backto me....the swing in grammas front yard...mud pies...secret forts in the pine grove...on and on....the smells, the feeling of going bsrefoot, the breezes....wonderful poem we can all relate....Bravo
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Ellen, wonderful memories those are. I saw beautiful images in them and just felt transported to a d.. read moreEllen, wonderful memories those are. I saw beautiful images in them and just felt transported to a different world all together. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I'm glad you could related to this poem :)
As we age our toys of choice never leaves our mind, the flavors of those sweets we loved in our youth are never forgotten. I guess that is part of the inner child that is often talked about, that part of our youth we refuse to let go off regardless of how old we get. As an older man, I often try to relive moments of my youth in my dreams, I am just a kid at heart. So thank you for giving me a little more inspiration so when I dream they will be more vivid and take me back to the day :~) Bravo! Clap! Clap! Clap!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
How beautifully put! I liked the way you expressed and shared your thoughts here. I'm very glad that.. read moreHow beautifully put! I liked the way you expressed and shared your thoughts here. I'm very glad that I could fill you with images :) I always am careful and want to protect this little child in me and make sure it isn't lost in this worldly way of things.. Thanks so much, Bear !
This is a very well-written & delightful poem of childhood memories! I love this poem! You've done it so playfully, plus you've included many things that make it unique to YOUR childhood (altho reminding others of OUR childhoods, which are different)! Third stanza, you use "taste" twice in a short short line, so I suggest changing the second "taste" to "kiss" . . . more variety, more affection.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thanks barleygitl, for your kind words. Yes, i do mention a few instances of my childhood memories b.. read moreThanks barleygitl, for your kind words. Yes, i do mention a few instances of my childhood memories but as you say, these are just pointers to evoke the similar memories from our childhood :)
This poem, is still retained in it's raw unedited form, always felt like not fiddling with it as it seemed all pristine to me just like the child in me.
However, I totally agree, the "taste" part, which appears twice needs to be refined from the technical point of view. I would definitely, reflect on this stanza a bit and see how I could make it more affectionate and also technically correct.
Thanks so much, for all the pointers. I'm glad you stopped by and shared your valuable thoughts on this write :)
Well you should also add wishful thinking in your tags as well. It's a given we all miss our childhood, i mean honestly i am still a child at heart even as i approach 20 i want to remain a child at heart as long as I can. That said, this poem is so nice and it does do a number on you. I didn't dislike milk maybe because BournVita was mixed with it for me. Loved ice cream still do actually. I still keep all my GI-Joes in the attic not to mention the hot wheels cars. I remember beyblades were the new thing in around the 2007 so that was another thing for me. Yeah I might not play like that child anymore, but I still end up lost in my imagination, daydreams and never stop believing in myself. As you can see this poem has refreshed my memories ^^
Well as far as the poem itself is concerned very good use of examples to create imagery and for me the last verse was a gem^^ The poetry was smooth ^^ Thank you for sharing ^^
I enjoyed your list of remembered toys & joys, Errenn, as much as Ab's poem (above)!!! Childhood was.. read moreI enjoyed your list of remembered toys & joys, Errenn, as much as Ab's poem (above)!!! Childhood wasn't too different in 2007 (for you) as in 1967 (for me)!!! *smile*
8 Years Ago
Thank you ^^ And yes so true ^^
8 Years Ago
I couldn't agree more on your thoughts, on this write. I'm glad you were able to relive those images.. read moreI couldn't agree more on your thoughts, on this write. I'm glad you were able to relive those images back from childhood. Makes me happy to know that I could ignite those memories for you. Btw, I still 'am a kid at heart and 'll always be. [Lol! I still drink BournVita :D]
Thanks for dropping by, Errenn and sharing those wonderful thoughts of yours :)
If only we could keep the child in us alive forever. Fall and then walk again without regrets and keep learning and growing.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
I liked the way you reflected on this write. Yes, we need to keep the child alive forever :)
.. read moreI liked the way you reflected on this write. Yes, we need to keep the child alive forever :)
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, EyesFullOfHope !
sweet write. yes, it definitely brings back fond memories. Aaah to be young again! probably the happiest phase of life.
I'd like to point out a few mishaps, if you don't mind.
can we really say: chocolate tastes my lips? perhaps "touch"? also, you used taste twice. maybe it was intentional. I may be wrong on this one.
throw up my hands in THE air?
can we say: eyes numb? just wondering.
that's it. beautiful write.
Thanks a lot, woody for the valuable comments. Appreciate it :)
You are right, I have used th.. read moreThanks a lot, woody for the valuable comments. Appreciate it :)
You are right, I have used the "taste" twice, I need to refine this part of the write a bit.
throw up my hands in THE air? : I'm not sure here if you are pointing out the use of 'the' ?
And, yes "eyes are numb" - i intended to word it this way.
Thanks so much, woody.. for spending your time and sharing your insights, buddy!
8 Years Ago
no problem my friend. yes I feel the definite article is necessary there, unless the syllable count .. read moreno problem my friend. yes I feel the definite article is necessary there, unless the syllable count forced you to drop it.
8 Years Ago
you got a great eye, woody!
That's a definite mishap.
I 'll re-edit the poem with 'th.. read moreyou got a great eye, woody!
That's a definite mishap.
I 'll re-edit the poem with 'the' there.
[pitfalls of not editing before :D]
Thanks so much :)