Ask Dr. Pachas Paisa

Agony Aunt Column Cancer Patient Rant

Just a few weeks ago my life seemed perfect
Loved to live, never wanted to forfeit
Never thought about death or about my coffin
But I’m popping pills and spending my time coughin’
In my twenty five years I’ve never felt like I lacked an answer
Until the moment when I was told I’m being attacked by cancer
My family’s devastated and my life has come to a halt
Am I to blame God? With who am I supposed to find fault
All that I ever lived for has suddenly just slipped out
I’ve been reduced to nothing; I’m totally insane and flipped out
I wish God would just tell me what I did to deserve this fate
I have only loved and never ever worked to serve hate
It feels like hell when I’m awake and hell when I’m sleeping
All the people I love are either pitiful or weeping
Screw all the morals and principles I lived by
I’m through with abhorring sins; I’m left with no alibi
There is nothing in front except a void
I’m filled with a disrespect I can’t avoid
Will God tell me what I did to receive this?
I look around and see happy cheats and deceivers
Walking around enjoying life with no diseases
I’m left with a crying wife whose life is split into pieces
My heart is bleeding and my pain never ceases
Thwarted breathing, why can’t you save me oh Jesus?
My treatment is just for some time, say all of the doctors
I’ll be soon rendered helpless, why does death have to mock us?
An unhindered life needs only very little time to shock us
We can never predict what is there in store for us
But I know for a fact that life is indeed torturous
Could be even tomorrow that I end up in a mortuary
When I was young I thought there was a burning torch for me
But now it’s been put out yet the infernal heat is scorching me
All this undeserved pain and shattered dreams I could have endured
Why is my family too being battered and deeply injured?
If only God had let me know this two years ago
My lovely wife wouldn’t have been fated to shed tears alone
My heart breaks further when I think of my mother and father
Two people who thought I’d reach greatness and even farther
Here I am now sobbing and counting my days
The cancer in me robbing the sun’s rays
I’m now convinced destiny has nothing to do with one’s ways
It doesn’t matter if you’re into peace or into gunplay
Some are forced to leave and some to just stay
Life will slip from you whether you cuss or pray
Nothing’s left for me except pain and dismay
I wish I was never born in the first place
I’m going to die clueless in this deathly maze
Death awaits me around the corner with a cold gaze
As a child I never thought I’d never see old age
I’m about to leave this book of life like a torn page
I placed in God all my trust to ensure my safety
Not knowing in my case he would be so hasty
He didn’t even let me know of my purpose
Instead left me to suffer like a rotten carcass
My heart beats no more and there remains a cold sore
People like fishes swimming to the ocean’s roars
I’ll soon be buried unnoticed in the depths of the muddy shores.

No Hope, Bombay. 

Dr. 50 paise replies:

I won’t try to sound absurd by saying I know what you’re feeling
We all have experienced hard times when our lives were reeling
But what you’re going through right now is far too personal
For anybody to demand that you be calm and act rational
Cancer is doubtlessly one of the world’s biggest curses
Into dejection and misery its victims it immerses
Life suddenly twists contrary to what one rehearses
Shattering dreams and the lives that each person nurses
But God is not unfair and he’s not a punisher
He’s the loving father and not a cruel admonisher
Difficulties come our way as little tests of faith
Life for everyone is a fierce struggle with fate
Cancer however can’t be termed as just another hurdle
It scars one’s vision with pits and blurred hills
It’s unknown to this world the plans that the Lord makes
But he has a reason for every single life that he takes
Everything around may seem it has changed for the worst
But a strong heart filled with faith should replace the outbursts
Prayers have been proved to create great miracles
Sincere pleas will help break manacles
Easy it is to have faith when the sky is clear
But the test really is when the dark night is here
Your life has not become a symbol of insignificance
Life becomes death when your interior thickens
They could have all the money in the world
Bathe in gold, rubies, diamonds, and pearls
But you’re surrounded by people who care for you
Ones who’d die for you and be there for you
Don’t think the time till now has been wasted hours
Life is a tree that grows through dry days and days of showers
Filled with fruits so sweet and some that tastes so sour
Bliss and agony goes together like the fate of lovers
Beliefs and strength are never to be let go of
God is capable of wonders one can never know of
Do not treat these lines as if they’re lines of false hope
God is your balance when you’re walking life’s tight rope
The heights you wanted you say haven’t been reached
The promises you made yourself you say have been breached
Greatness isn’t measured by your riches or fame
Nor does it matter how many people recognize your name
What’s real are the hearts and lives you touch
The tears that you catch which you deem not much
The broken lives you support by being their crutch
Give yourself up to God and he’ll take away your pains
An honest man always suffers more than one who feigns
Clean hands are fewer than ones with bloodstains
Goodness sustains life and not merely food grains
Clear your mind and focus on all that you have done
You’ll realize your real journey has just begun
It’s leaving God’s Earth with a clear conscience that’s the purpose
Spreading love and joy that can never be surplus
Leaving other people’s lives better urges God to help us
To the rich and famous life is nothing but a circus
Fire and noise adorned with moments of fake sparkles
Meaningless existence living out your flesh
Meanwhile real life exists outside this mesh
Finding your self and finding the almighty Lord
Resort to the feather and abandon the sword
Pray your heart out and search for the answer
Your soul and spirit will never succumb to the cancer
Leave your worries and submit to prayers
For those who trust have a place up the heavenly stairs.

Reviews

[msharma]

The misery reflected in the beginning and also wailing of a man with a question why me? reflects everyone's pain the part narrated by the Dr. seems more positive,it takes you to seethe world fully truly and vividly.loved the depiction.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Okay! That was something. My first question after reading this prose would be, that the "Dr 50 paise" here is your alter ego, or what. I mean, is he a character in realism or a protagonist who appears frequently in your work. I'm sorry for being like this, but I have lack of work exposure :(
Anyways, the prose is very neat. Loved the touch of sarcasm in it. Very profound and the replies of Doctor by the end were very thoughtful. Great work :)

[Nikhil Sharda]

Yes the Dr. is my alter ego :) and I am humbled by your comment and hope you would find my other works equally, if not more, appealing.