christmas

It was Christmas eve, I had just finished work, all my work friends were sitting in a van in the warehouse smoking.
Everyone was talking about families, the holidays and presents.
I sat and smoked not wanting to talk about anythink all I could think about was my family and why the hell was I in London when I should be at home.
After talking about where we were going to met up for a drink, I walked back to my room in the YMCA.
I had a shower and got changed then walked to the pub. the afternoon turned into the night. We all got pissed. it was fun had my brain not work so I couldn't think about my problems.
At 11.30pm I decided I wanted my bed, so I walked out after saying merry chrsitmas to all my friends.
As I walked down the road towards the YMCA, I sat on a bench feeling abit sick.
I sat for awhile having a f*g, thinking that no one cares about me. I felt sorry for myself, I started to think about my family and wondering what they were doing, and wishing more than anything to be with them.
I started to walk again, the ground started to look funny, I looked up the sky was spinning. Next thing i was laying on the ground, as my head hit the ground I started to cry. think I fell asleep or blacked out. The next thing I remember was being lifted into a bed then into a ambulance.
At hopsital I saw doctors and nurses stitching up my head. Think they knew I was drunk and left me alone to sleep it off.
I woke up to find myself hurting all over, I had blood all over my best top. I got down off the bed and got dressed. I ran out of the hospital not knowing if any one was watching me.
I just wanted to get back to my room, I didn't know where I was and how to get back.
I had no money nd no one to call to come and get me.
It was light outside. I walked the streets looking for places that I knew.
I stopped to find a f*g in my bag as I lite it i looked up to see a house, the family were sitting by their christmas tree. they looked so happy, smiling and opening pesents.
The rest of the way back to the YMCA I cried.
An hour later I got back to the YMCA, I asked the man for my key. He looked me up and down and said "good night" and I answered back "no".
I layed on my bed in my room, I sang merry christmas to myself, crying.
To this day if you asked me why I fell to the ground, my answer would be the same.....
I just wanted to dream of being at home