Witch?

    “Seal this place up” said the detective a tall handsome young man, Johnny Mystery. A young lady Sarah S Chil was murdered last night. And he was hired by Sarah’s family. A Swiss knife was stabbed through her heart, she was wearing a long white dress, terror was on her face, yet she looked calm, like she knew she knew that it was going to happen. Johnny was confused how the girl looked; he wanted to find out more. He asked her parents: “Where were you two last night?” “We were at a friend’s party, so we left Sarah alone at home, since she is 16 years old. We thought that she could take herself……But who would have thought that this would happen…..” Her parents started cry in pain for their loss of their beloved daughter.

        He went into her room, and was surprised. There were candles all over the place, on the self there were books about witch, also she had only black and white clothes. This was getting more interesting he thought. Suddenly he saw a shadow by the window, he rushed there and saw it was just a bird, but he thought to himself I swear I just saw a person…..never mind. “Does your daughter do witch craft?” he asked the parents “witch craft? What are you talking about our daughter is the last person on this planet to do witch craft, if you are talking about witch craft it must her friend Jean Black” they answered quickly. ‘Jean Black…..um… sounds interesting maybe I should pay her a visit’ he thought.

        Jean Black lives on the far side of town which is always so quite and the roads there are narrow and dark. Mr. Mystery stopped at a small and rather old café, for a rest. “Can I have a cup of espresso with nothing and a daily newspaper please” he said to the waiter, the waiter was a old lady with huge red glasses, 5 minutes later he got what he want. He read the newspaper, sports : Tennis game on Tuesday!, crossword nothing fun, fun facts: witch ‘Witch craft is actually a religion called Wicca” ‘religion?” he thought, finishing off his coffee, and head down to Jean’s house. He parks the car on the corner, next to a huge house, ancient looking, the walls was stained, an old bench was right outside the house and it looks like if the lawn hasn’t been cleaned for ages. He knocked on the door, an old man opens the door, and said “how may I help you sir?” “Does Jean C Black live here?” “Yes, please wait here, oh and who is asking?” he replied “ Detective Mystery”. One minute later with him was a tall girl, with long black hair and really pretty. But she seems like good person, not like a person who does witch craft. “Hello? You wish to talk to me detective?” “Oh yes. I wanted to talk to you about Sarah’s death.” “What! Sarah died! How? When? Why?!!” Johnny was shocked; he was convinced that everyone knew what happened. “Yes, she is died; she was stabbed in the heart. I thought that everyone knew that.” “Well….” She started to play with her hair and looking up at the ceiling. “Well…I... Was out of town for a few days.” “Oh, I see, well I wanted to ask you about your religion, Wicca” She replied slowly “I am sorry, but I am not supposed to tell you anything. About my religion, I am sorry but I have to go now. If there is anything else that you would need help with, please tell me, for now I need go, bye” “Oh that is fine, Good-bye and thanks for the help” he answered, the last thing he heard was the door slamming in front of his face.  

        He went home after that bizarre conversation. There must be something that she is hiding, but what? He conclude, what is wrong with that girl, she didn’t seem like she went out of town.... So he decided to sneak in to his house. 

         He went up to Jean house, and this time he went sneaking as quietly as he can into her house. What he saw was shocking, his jaw dropped and couldn't believe his eyes. He just stood there speechless. He saw Sarah. Alive.  Nothing was wrong. “What….is.. going.. on??” There was Jean, Sarah, and some other girls all dressed up in this black dress. Jean pleaded: “This is not what you think you are seeing, this is an illusion. The Sarah you are seeing now is a soul. We know what happened to her, she was asking me to kill her, for a sacrifice. But......now that you know our secret we must put you off to sleep.”  The last thing Johnny Mystery saw was a girl with the Swiss knife waking closer and closer, him running away then suddenly everything was white.  

Author's Note

this is one of the few stories i have wrote! please tell me what you think about it!!

Reviews

[Panda]

Hrm I liked it the name Johnny Mystery was super catchy! And to be very honest its great seeing you doing some non poetic writing! :D I the idea behind this is catching too. But at some points I felt you rushed it. I know it is a short story but you set so much up for yourself to work with. For example "Jean Black lives on the far side of town, so Johnny stopped at a café, for a rest. “Can I have a black coffee with nothing and a daily newspaper please”" By wording this you could have explained a little about the town they live in which adds to the area of Johnny's 'legacy' So in my opinion you could have said "The Black residency was located on the far side of small quiet town. Feeling a lack of energy within him or, Johnny had decided he would stop at a small cafe to replenish before the trip to his suspects house. The waiter at the cafe was a small man, a small black bob hair cut that remained his most defining feature spoke to Johnny in a fluent and presentable manner "A black latte (Latte sounds cooler ^.^) with no sugar Mr Mystery?" Johnny with a flick of the wrist checking the fine silver watch on his wrist speaks out to the man "Oh and Harold I have enough time to catch up on the local daily new" " This makes your writing clearer and defines each by the way our Johnny (as a detective) views them. The watch can define Johnny potential wealth and the waiter knowing his name gives him a name that people know. Mr also adds to his class and power in any situation ^.^ Hope this helps and I hope I make sense haha! Good to see your writing :D I hope to see more!

[SaRuGi]

wow thanks! that is super super useful! i'll try and change in the next few days :D:D thank you!!! ^_^