The Culmination of Love

We are introduced briefly to Elizabeth Von Haden and we get a brief glimpse of the outcome that ensues her overwhelming need for beauty in her life.

 

“Smell the disgustingly sweet taste of fresh blood.” The words rushed through her mind as she breathed in the intoxicating air. The heady aroma of the metallic smelling blood, caused by the crimson pool forming on the ground around her feet, overwhelmed her nostrils and evoked a light headed feeling.  She breathed in a sigh of contentment. It always affected her this way. She had experienced this feeling so many times before that she no longer knew if it was the rush of the entire situation or the euphoria in which it instilled, that caused the dangerously strong emotions within her.

                The sound of low guttural moaning brought her back from her euphoric trip. She slowly stepped closer to him. She looked down at the floor where his perfect form lied. Her glossy shoes interrupted the still pool of blood emitting from his body.   The sight of it took her breath away. Her glassy black shoes in the middle of a crimson pool of blood made her creamy skin all the more delicate looking. She smiled a slow satisfied grin and stepped even closer to the body. He didn’t turn his head to acknowledge her approach, but she knew the he as not yet dead. His breathing had grown slower and his movements more lethargic. She stooped down and put her small hand against his paling face. She looked at his midnight black hair, now coated through with blood from where his head rested on the floor. His eyes were still wide open as if he had just noticed in shock what had happened to him. She studied him with curious eyes. She watched as the color drained from him face, making his once buttermilk complexion to one of ashen gray. The colors of his bright indigo eyes now faded to as insignificant murky pool of blue. She caressed the face of her once lover, and bent down to place a kiss on his chilling forehead. His breathing grew slow and shallow, and she could tell that his last breath was drawing near as the moaning silenced completely. She smiled as she remembered all of the sacrifices he had made for her over the past year. They had had a number of very happy and pleasurable moments together, there is no denying that. There was even a time not too long ago where she thought that she could be content just to spend her days with him in the cloud of bliss the seemed to float about them when they were together. Then it happened. It always happened. There was no escaping the urge that came over her…the need that she constantly tried to repress.   It always ended this way, but she could not be overly sad about it. Yes she had lost a great love, but the pleasure that this last act of devotion caused she would keep with her and treasure forever. She leaned down and placed her warm, supple lips to his cold ear and whispered, “I love you.” With a final sigh she stood up and walked to the door. She picked up her pink wrap and placed it over her shoulders. With one quick glance back at the now lifeless form on the floor, Elizabeth Von Haden entered into the night.

 

Author's Note

In this chapter I want to introduce you to my main character with brief glimpses into her character. I wanted the reader to vividly see the scene described by focusing on the detail of the points that matter for the scene. The point is to feel that though what has happened is terrible, Elizabeth finds a certain beauty in the event and its outcome.... a terrifying beauty.

This like much else is a work in progress. Feel free to comment and review any aspect that you want. Tell me what you like and what you could live without. Grammar is always in need of correction so do not hesitate to point out my mistakes. Just remember to keep it constructive.

Reviews

[T]

"Smell the disgustingly sweet taste of fresh blood." The words rushed through her mind as she breathed in the intoxicating air. The heady aroma of the metallic smelling blood, caused by the crimson pool forming on the ground around her feet, overwhelmed her nostrils and evoked a light headed feeling.

I loved that...it was very Creative and descriptive!

[Rebecca Rogers]

>he as not yet dead.
He "was" not yet dead.

>there is no denying that.
Verb tense confusion. "Is" should be "was."

>Yes she had lost a great love, but the pleasure that this last act of devotion caused she would keep with her and treasure forever.
I had to reread this sentence several times. The wording was off. Maybe you could say something like "Yes, she had lost a great love, but the pleasure this last act of devotion caused was something she would treasure forever."

I went back and reread the second, long and drawn-out paragraph to see if there was somewhere you could break and I think I found just the place:
>She smiled as she remembered all of the sacrifices he had made for her over the past year.
The previous sentence ends with the man taking his last breath, but this sentence begins kind of the backstory. She's reminiscing, I guess you could say.

Do you plan on adding to this chapter or leaving it this length? If you are going to leave it this length, might I suggest this as a prologue instead?

I think you do a wonderful job describing details.

Nice work :)

[Lyndsay Castro]

This is a great story. I would suggest going through it one more time, there are some grammatical errors. I like how you don't describe her in a sense that makes it overtly obvious that's she's a little crazy, we can draw that conclusion ourselves. You are great at description.

[k n o x ;; L.E.Whitman]

Just so I don't forget, on the fourth to last line, it says her instead of ear.

I love the way you use your vocabulary. You don't repeat the same words at all like many writters do, and I even catch myself doing so. Also, not only is the story itself good, but the way you discribe the sceen as a truely romantic one with your choice of words, it adds to the creepiness. As a writer and an artist, just reading this makes me want to illistrate it. I hope you continue, or turn it into a series of short stories about Elizabeth Van Haden.