In the Box

Ask yourself what would you do if you were trapped with someone who you loved

Small space,

Getting hard to breathe

Hard to move

But too shocked to scream

I am surrounded by darkness

Until I realise

I have a torch

I switch it on

The light came on like a beam

 

My jaw dropped

I wasn't alone

As the light shined over

A face of a boy

I think I already know

 

So close we were

Like we attached to each other

With glue

I look deep in his eyes

Desperate to know

What he was thinking inside

 

Searching more deeper

All I could see was his confusement

Which made me sense

He was lost before

Being squashed in a box

 

That moment we was still

Standing and staring

Gormlessly at each other

In a tall thin box

 

I touched his shoulder

Then I was drawn to him

Like a magnet

My heart never felt the same way

When I first saw him on TV

 

My heart rattled,

Trying to get out of its rib cage

The feelings I felt was indescribable

The box heated up

I felt excitement

Rushing through my blood

 

I place my hands

On every bit of his body

Then I leaned more

Towards his side

 

He smiled,

He didn't want me to stop

I leaned too far

The box tumbled

To the floor

I lay flat on his face

 

Written on his face

He couldn't care less

His hands slowly crept

Uncovering my body

 

He stopped as he saw

My face so alarmed

But deep inside

I felt calm

He snatched the torch

And switched it off

 

Leaving me in the darkness

With strange repeated noises

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not sure whether this should be mature. Perhaps it's because of the ending.

Reviews

[Jenny Nelson]

Interesting way of expressing the situation and feelings. Very well done. Leaves the reader feeling a bit disturbed.

[Liz-z]

Hm, It does portray a dark meaning, disturbing meaning, but there isn't mature worth rating. But regardless whether it's mature or not, it's a great poem... Like it's darkness. =)

[Coyote Poetry]

I don't know. Being boxed up in love can't be a good thing. Even in the heat of a new love. We need time to be free and clear the mind. A very interesting tale. I had to read a few time. I like those poem that made me think a bit. A very good poem.
Coyote

[Tai Chi Italy Take Two]

This poem gives a great sense of how we can sometimes feel when we fall in love. Trapped, so close and yet so far apart. Well done Rosie. I think the grammar could be improved a little, but overall, you express the heart of the matter, and that is what IS important.

As to mature, I think you aimed it well, if it is for everyone.

Smiling at you

Tai

[Jim]

It's a refreshing contrast to the usual "damsel-in-distress" scenario in that the guy is stuck as well, and seems to be worse off than the speaker is, for he had been "lost before/Being squashed in a box." I like the humor there. I also like the hint that the box may actually be a coffin, for it is "a tall thin box." That and the ambiguous ending hint at something sinister, maybe even the extent to which romantic love can feel smothering.

I like "gormlessly" too. I had to look it up. We need to start using that one on this side of the pond.

[Cassiopia Summers]

I really like this, it's kinda scary at the end. Lol, only because everything is surrounded in darkness.

[David W Moore III]

Very nice romantic piec. A bit unorthodox for a romantic piece but that's what makes it special

[Star Wolf]

Awesome! Love the unique way you brought them together.

[Cynthia]

Mature or not, is all people's thought, maybe not, maybe yes.
I like this much.
Great Work!

[Tina Kline]

I really like this, a very interesting question the poem asks. It doesn't need a mature rating because it really leaves the ending up to the readers imagination.