In the Box

Ask yourself what would you do if you were trapped with someone who you loved

Small space,

Getting hard to breathe

Hard to move

But too shocked to scream

I am surrounded by darkness

Until I realise

I have a torch

I switch it on

The light came on like a beam

 

My jaw dropped

I wasn't alone

As the light shined over

A face of a boy

I think I already know

 

So close we were

Like we attached to each other

With glue

I look deep in his eyes

Desperate to know

What he was thinking inside

 

Searching more deeper

All I could see was his confusement

Which made me sense

He was lost before

Being squashed in a box

 

That moment we was still

Standing and staring

Gormlessly at each other

In a tall thin box

 

I touched his shoulder

Then I was drawn to him

Like a magnet

My heart never felt the same way

When I first saw him on TV

 

My heart rattled,

Trying to get out of its rib cage

The feelings I felt was indescribable

The box heated up

I felt excitement

Rushing through my blood

 

I place my hands

On every bit of his body

Then I leaned more

Towards his side

 

He smiled,

He didn't want me to stop

I leaned too far

The box tumbled

To the floor

I lay flat on his face

 

Written on his face

He couldn't care less

His hands slowly crept

Uncovering my body

 

He stopped as he saw

My face so alarmed

But deep inside

I felt calm

He snatched the torch

And switched it off

 

Leaving me in the darkness

With strange repeated noises

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not sure whether this should be mature. Perhaps it's because of the ending.

Reviews

[Erin]

Good job. I really liked the "physical" idea of how people feel when they're in love. Your metaphor and word choice really made that poem enjoyable. Nice job.
PBP

[HorrorMaster]

Amazing

[Meadow Rayne]

amazing write! I love it!! :D

[Snickers]

Amazing keep up the good work hon. You are doing a wonderful job,dear, really good.

Love,
Dream

[alan peter kelly]

you can tell youre an English girl honey :) "Gormless" is such a cute description...yes indeed... a strange twilight zone kinda episode...i was entertained and i actually laughed once...though...perhaps it was not meant to be funny...still...i thought what the boy must be thinking....ya...you touching him up and he wouldnt be too concerned with how he got there ha ha laying flat on his face :) funny stuff...making light of a dark situation (so to speak)...i enjoyed this write...

[Richard Williams]

The feeling of confinement skillfully presented, good detail and imagery, a good write.

[Dark Angel]

Honestly, it's a little creepy... It made me think they were kidnapped and then the other person becomes physically attracted to the other and touches him... Just a little creepy for me... but the imagery and the feeling of fear was really good. A few grammar issues with was and were.

[Ruth]

OMG!
This is so cool hon!
I did ask myself that after your title and description! lol
Awesome thought to write about!
A clever poem, metaphorically showing the suffocating element to a relationship too, well done here, I would say! lol
xx

[Cherry Blossom]

wow this is dark and not sure which way to go I think both I feel that had to trust and then let down and dont know what to do feel in the dark wow amazing

[Black Cat Fever]

Tight and suffocating, that's how relationships can feel but the ending leaves me wondering if the darkness here is such a bad thing. I don't know. I like how this poem is so shadowy, one can get lots of different meanings from it.