In the Box

Ask yourself what would you do if you were trapped with someone who you loved

Small space,

Getting hard to breathe

Hard to move

But too shocked to scream

I am surrounded by darkness

Until I realise

I have a torch

I switch it on

The light came on like a beam

 

My jaw dropped

I wasn't alone

As the light shined over

A face of a boy

I think I already know

 

So close we were

Like we attached to each other

With glue

I look deep in his eyes

Desperate to know

What he was thinking inside

 

Searching more deeper

All I could see was his confusement

Which made me sense

He was lost before

Being squashed in a box

 

That moment we was still

Standing and staring

Gormlessly at each other

In a tall thin box

 

I touched his shoulder

Then I was drawn to him

Like a magnet

My heart never felt the same way

When I first saw him on TV

 

My heart rattled,

Trying to get out of its rib cage

The feelings I felt was indescribable

The box heated up

I felt excitement

Rushing through my blood

 

I place my hands

On every bit of his body

Then I leaned more

Towards his side

 

He smiled,

He didn't want me to stop

I leaned too far

The box tumbled

To the floor

I lay flat on his face

 

Written on his face

He couldn't care less

His hands slowly crept

Uncovering my body

 

He stopped as he saw

My face so alarmed

But deep inside

I felt calm

He snatched the torch

And switched it off

 

Leaving me in the darkness

With strange repeated noises

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

I'm not sure whether this should be mature. Perhaps it's because of the ending.

Reviews

[Tony]

After reading Lewis's first wardrobe book I often thought of people in my closet (I never had a wardrobe) or appearing in any small place I would play in.
This reads more like a little older take on the wardrobe imagery-- I mean with it falling over an such.
Very cool poem-- really felt the contrasting feelings of uncomfortability and arousement in your words.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

Good poem. I think it was really well written. I liked the imagery too...I could feel everything she was feeling. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Little Wanderer]

This is really, really good. A perfect monlogue for a tortured soul. I have to agree with the comment below, it's really different from other poems - in a good way. Trust me :]

[Poetic Beauty]

This is a very different piece and it is a bit perplexing as to what you are talking about. the details are amazing and described well. the flow is done nicely.

[Norma M Sutton]

Nice imagery in this.

[Eric Cox]

Great imagination went into this piece. Great job on the imagery too. A creatively done write of being close to someone one is attracted to in a box. I would be clostrophobic. Very cool pen on this write.

[Adelia Alighieri]

I like poems that read like scenes and they make you feel you're really there. This one is just the kind.

[.]

This was an intensly emotional and beautifully crafted piece. I enjoyed the visions that have been woven and brought into the mind of the reader. The image of being trapped with something that is both good and evil would be interesting. In the end, the comfort of repitition and touch saves the mind... but for how long I would wonder.

Fantastic Poem!

T. Stone

[Senseless whatever]

Good write, good visuals and set up. the flow is a little choppy and the feelings are hard to grasp at first. The setup begins to take the reader in one direction while the emotion or action of the characters go in another. Makes for an interesting read.

[Charles]

A good British girl like you in a box with someone - for shame (just joking of course). You had me with 'gormless' but I recovered nicely with the use of my dictionary - I couldn't find 'confusement' anywhere, though. There's a lot of 'back and forth' here between verb tenses that's a bit distracting, a couple grammatical things that need attention (feelings was, more deeper and we was) and a few places with extraneous words (light came on like a beam, thinking inside, feelings I felt). Certainly an interesting experience - dreamed/imagined or not. :-)