Letting Go

I can be free to love again

You're the darkness,

In the sky,

Making me,

Shut my eyes,

You surround me,

Comforting me,

Into a deep sleep,

I enter the world,

Of dreams and fantasies,

Your there,

Smiling at me,

 

Then you wake me up,

Your light,

Commands me to rise,

You are the sunshine,

That shines into my life,

Through my window,

I see you,

A big fire ball,

Floating in the sky,

Telling me,

It's breakfast time,

 

But!

Suddenly,

That has to go,

You're fading out of my life,

You have seen someone else,

I know,

I must let you go,

So you can share,

Your life with another,

I am unwelcome,

She says to me,

To never see you again,

 

In the end,

Whose decision is it?

Love, I quit

No more searching,

No more pain,

Beauty, joy and laughter

Gone from my life,

Your nothing,

But a memory,

 

Cya comfort and company,

 

Welcome and hello,

To loneliness and tears,

Of distress,

 

 

 

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

The break in lines suffice fine for causing the reader to pause. Therefore, you do not need so many commas. Where appropriate end the sentence rather than causing a run on with a comma.

First Stanza, Line 10 - should be "You're there" instead of "Your there"

Fourth Stanza, Line 8 - should be "You're nothing" instead of "Your nothing"

I absolutely abhor the "Cya" in the fourth from the last line. If you're going to write e-slang in poetry, I would be consistent with it throughout. To throw it in in one line, in an otherwise pretty well written poem, looks lazy and distracting. I'm sure it's more a sign of youth than anything.

I can see potential in your writing, but it's something that must be honed with time, due diligence, and a passion for poetry.

Linda Marie

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad poem. When we realize we are only number two in someone life. Hard to find contentment. Your statement were strong and to the point. Last lines were very good. A sad ending to a powerful poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Ruth]

Welcoming loneliness is not easy love but there is always light to be found in that reflective darkness. Hours spent clarifying a situation are not a waste :)
To let go is a hard battle, alas a necessary on! Beautifully portrayed love!
xx

[BELLA]

i love it

[Adelia Alighieri]

This is very good; I like the way how you first compared the subject to dark and then to light. Sometimes such circumstantial contradiction creates a wonderful illusion. Very nice. Keep writing.

[TeenRomance2]

Very interesting and dream like poem, very painful and well-written.

[Cassiopia Summers]

I agree with Rae CJ. It's realistic. It's definitely amazing.

[Poetic Beauty]

This describes just how quickly love can come and go sometimes. the flow of this poem is done very well and emotions are poured into every stanza conveying the loneliness that is felt.

[Rae CJ]

SO realistic! I'm very intuned to it!! I'm pretty sure I reread and reread 3 times just cause I can easily relate! Absolutely AMAZING!

[Tina Kline]

A great poem on the painful ending of a relationship, very very painful.

[ShaneBerry]

i like the small print, it makes the reader focus! and linda pointed out the errors so gg girl!